Bah Humbug Rant

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Bah Humbug Rant
89
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 1:52am




Dear AP's Wife -


Please keep your husband reined in and fix whatever his problem is. If you knew about me, you would be devestated. I do know about you, although I would prefer not to know as much as I do. Something is apparently wrong with your marriage that you are completely oblivious to and your husband has chosen to make my life an emotional hell. The irony being, I would like to be with him and I know about you, and it is unjust to both of us. He is too afraid of hurting you or leaving you, but it is apparenlty OK for him

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 6:00pm

Fix your marriage, both parties, so I don't have to be involved.


I'm sorry, but wasn't it YOUR choice to be involved?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 8:57pm




Wow, lots of emotion coming from this one....OK, so the marriage/spouses must have some sort of issues for someone to want to stray. My AP (long time friend, whats his name, whatever you want to call him) 1) is not happy with s** life at home 2) feels comforted by me when things don't go his way at home and many other "reasons"....We have very little if any contact these days


FIX the marriage or get out....either he is not communicating his needs to his W or vice versa and something within that R is not working for him


What is not working for him? I know, does she? Or at least I think I know, does he dicsuss the same things with her that he does me? Probably very little communication


Maybe she ignores him because...she is not happy with SOMETHING....does he know? Probably not, very little communication


Why am I invovled? Because I am a completely different person than she is an I have not become complacent, I listen and I am supportive of him, in a nutshell, I make him feel good about himself when he has such low self esteem from being nagged to death at home or any verbal communication there is, is all negative. That wears on folks and people start believe it after awhile. Why continue to "put up" with all the negativety (on either side)? Find out what is wrong and fix it or get out.


I would prefer not to be involved at all, it would save me a lot if time and emotional turmoil. At this point, it is stricly EA and LD at that. She tears him down and I build him back up and I get nothing out of it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 11:08pm

Hi survivor


Have you noticed that there's a problem with the format of your posts in that they run off the screen?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 10:06am

Hey again Survivor,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 12:26pm
Excellent post!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 4:04pm

Thanks, Happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 6:42pm

Survivor..

I'll reverse things here. Why don't YOU fix your relationship with AP (as in get the he!! out of it)? Why do you continue to stay involved? In other words, you're doing exactly what you're saying AP and his W are doing....staying involved in something that isn't good for them. That you know of. And therein lies much of your problem here. He SAYS he isn't happy. He SAYS he isn't getting enough sex or getting the right sex or getting good sex. He SAYS a lot of things. Some of it is probably true. Some of it is probably NOT true. You can take that to the bank and cash it.

You mention something about him being legally tied to her. Sure, that's true, but you can bet it's not all of it. By saying that you are suggesting that he has no emotional ties to this woman. I can almost 100% guarantee you that if she were to come home one day and dump his a**, you would see that he, in fact, DOES have emotional ties to her. As the poster before me so eloquently voiced, people will say anything to justify an affair, in order to continue it.

As everyone has said, you are not a victim here. You are a volunteer. YOU choose to remain in this affair, no matter it's current nature. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. With that being said, it's pretty obvious that you're not happy being involved in this. So instead of focusing your thoughts and attention on the wife, why not turn it around to you. Why ARE you staying in this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 6:45pm

Well Survivor, I liked your post - well put.

Pink Passion Flower

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 10:05pm




Thanks, I am one of those other water signs that would get on well with you..;) None of my posts are blaming her or him and the posts that say I am staying, yeah, OK....My original post is returning AP to his W, the whole point here. I'm not dumb enough to fight over something that can't make up it's mind...


Did I choose to get involved, yeah, I thought long and hard about it so many years ago that I still have to ask what heck was I thinkin'....Not a darn thing in it for me...in any sense of the word....Yes, and the whole words knows about and bored folks like to try and read into the soap opera...whatever, glad I can entertain you all...;)


No one has the huevos to actually ask about it though...gosh, I might even tell 'em if they'd ask...**snort**snort**


His W probably reads these posts anyway...gee, I read the other day that women prefer the internet over sex so all these crabby, hateful folks are all reading this anyway. :) Am I the one sleeping with her H???? YES....hahahahahahaha....it's me you paranoid wench.....hahahahahahaha...


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 10:08pm



..oh, quick note...moving doesn't help....they are still with you....one way or the other....


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