Bah Humbug Rant

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Bah Humbug Rant
89
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 1:52am




Dear AP's Wife -


Please keep your husband reined in and fix whatever his problem is. If you knew about me, you would be devestated. I do know about you, although I would prefer not to know as much as I do. Something is apparently wrong with your marriage that you are completely oblivious to and your husband has chosen to make my life an emotional hell. The irony being, I would like to be with him and I know about you, and it is unjust to both of us. He is too afraid of hurting you or leaving you, but it is apparenlty OK for him

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 7:41pm

Just my opinion here, but for those of us who are in A and are M, no matter what we do, or who we shout about in my opinion the bottom line is no matter how we look at it, we are the ones straying, we are the ones being decietfull, we are the ones that has broken the ultimate boundaries of marriage. Is it not fair to say if we werent so afraid or cowards we would of left our partners, been totally truthfull to them and ourselves before even considering a relationship with someone else.


None of us are angels, a bit like he who has not sinned cast the first stone. As for the single women/men of these boards your within the same circle at the end of the day your allowing yourselves to sleep with someone who you know belongs to someone else regardless of what state that relationship is at.


All im saying is maybe their are certain unsaid rules within Affairland, but i have to agree with some posters here and say i can see where they are comming from, we should be able to give advice on how we think fit, but the end of the day its not advice its support and many people should be less presumptious about others situations. we are all different, our situations all differ, but as i said in my opinion we are all to blame and not one of us is better than the other as if were people with genuine concern for others we wouldnt be sitting on these boards showing concerns for strangers and yet disrespecting the people that many of us chose to share our lives with.


I dont mean to offend, i just mean to speak my mind and its not directed at anyone. Im also not saying we dont feel for what we read here, as many of us do but mainly because we have been their ourselves and we understand that feeling. But no matter what opinions we may have it costs nothing to have a little respect for the writer, as not one of us would know the true state of mind of that person. So all it needs is a little more tact. Besides hands up anyone of us that secretly have felt, or thought something but are to scared to voice it as they know it doesnt fit in with the 'unsaid' rules of Affairland, now to me that takes guts.


happy festive season to all


take care


SS

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 9:45pm




Wow, I created the perfect storm then stepped out and came back and gee whiz, there


is a whole different thread going on here. Amazing...


I don't remember writing anything about not taking responsibilities for my actions


in any of my posts, I suppose that is how some have interperetted it though.


It was a simple letter to vent. I needed a place to release that energy and I did.


Thank you Jazz_Tune for understanding that and other supporters as well.


Yes, I am tired of the emotional games. Enough is enough. Stop. Put up or shut up I suppose


would be a good way to phrase it.


My take on it is that there some reason that someone would stray from

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 10:48pm

Since you've never been M at 40-something then, it's very arrogant for you to assume that all BS should know there was trouble in paradise, therefore it's why the spouse cheat. Some WS are very good at lying, cheating and sneaking around. So my suggestion to you would be. Do some research, ask an expert in the matter of fidelity before you say a BS should already know there was a problem in their M before the WS stepped out of the M and you'll understand why we think you're acting naive.

News Flash!!! No matter how good a couple thinks their M is, a cheating WS will find a way or an excuse to cheat. As I said, do your research. For some, it's like an itch that they need to scratch and has nothing to do with who they're M to. So, leave the BS out of your equation....



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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 11:09pm




Yes, G2, I have done my research and THAT is why I am not M. I have been in LTR's and have


been on the receiving end of a cheater's antics and I usually knew he/they were looking.


I have chose not to be M because of these issues that I have seen and experienced


more times than I can count. M is too important to me as in indivual than to walk into


it eyes wide shut. I always knew and frankly didn't care. If he wanted to wander, then


wander right on out the door and don't let it hit you in the a** on the way out. And


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 11:41pm




G2, it is all about accountability.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 5:54am

OK I have to say it..... For real there is something wrong w/ a person that would send flowers w/ a note like that to a BS. My God, how you can justify that behavior is beyond me.

So now I am in the awkward position of using the same defense that you used, but my motive is different. I would lie to keep from hurting her, and her family. You are using this defense because you want to speak poorly about someone just because she happens to be M to the man that your sleeping w/. Anyway, you mean to tell me that morally, you can sleep w/ her H, but you can't tell a lie to cover his butt!!!??? You say that you wouldn't do it for your kids, that's crap. Any mother worth her weight in poo would lie to save her child. But that's off subject.

No one on this board pretends to be the moral majority here. We are people that have found ourselves in a position that most us thought we would never be in. Unfortunately for all involved we are somehow able to continue our behavior, and put our own happiness, and desires in front of that of our SO. BUT just because you break one rule that doesn't mean that you can go cray and break all the rules.

I think one time I said something like "It is in the nature of A's that allow us to sometimes color outside the lines, but IS NOT a license to get buck wild, and scribble up everyone else's paper." That's like speeding while driving, and when the officer attempts to pull you over you say "Sh*t I might as well run, I am in trouble anyway." In other words you can not use prior bad acts to justify future bad acts. I don't think you get that part.

All I have left to say is that perhaps you should seek some professional help where you can be evaluated, and possibly medicated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 6:08am

Being tacky, tasteless, cruel, and selfish are not traits that one usual attributes the words "Now that takes guts to do" with.

While you may generally feel defensive for her, you should note that it doesn't hurt the poster to show a little respect for herself either. She didn't make me feel bad about me, she made me think poorly of HER. It's not the replies that are lacking in respect. It is the writer that disrespects herself, by show how crass she can be.




Edited 12/23/2008 8:23 am ET by justice318
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 6:17am
What you said wasn't funny.....but the way you said it was HILARIOUS!!!! I needed that laugh. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 6:36am

i was actually talking about respect all round, not just from the respondants. I never stated i felt defense for her i simply meant that it takes courage to openly express what one really feels. Any one person that posts here

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 9:22am

I see this thread as a success because it shows the emotional growth and accountability factor that many (obviously not all) of the posters are coming to.

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