The Ball is in His Court

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
The Ball is in His Court
3
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 2:39am

Well...here it is day 7 of NC...or I guess there it was, day 7 of NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 8:40am

I honestly can't ever understand why, if a person is truly planning to leave their marriage, they wouldn't take the opportunity to do so after a d-day. It seems cruel to try and convince a spouse that you really want to stay with them, only to be planning to leave in a few years - no matter the reason.

And now that you've thrown the ball back in his court, it leaves you wide open to be rejected. That's why I'm worried about it, is-love-enough. Until you did that, you were not "rejected" exactly. It was a mutual decision. I'm afraid your heart will be broken even worse than it is now.

I think you should concentrate on YOU, and your marriage, and what you want to do about it. Everything with AP just distracts you from working on your own life at this point. You should act as if AP will not be a part of your future. If, after you both are divorced, he comes back into your life, then it was meant to be. If you really love each other, then you will be together. But right now, you both thought that NC was the way to go. Try to think through all the possible outcomes of sending him that message. You start seeing each other and there's another d-day? Once a spouse is suspicious (and nothing creates suspicion like a d-day!) it's just a matter of time before there's another d-day. Or he rejects your offer and you feel devastated? I really don't see another outcome here.

I hope whatever he does is not too hurtful to you sweetie! Keep us updated...

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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 2:34am

Thanks for the reply Lexi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 6:53am

OK that's a little clearer, and I'm especially glad that his wife knows about his plans to leave in a few years. I just think it would be so hard for someone to think their spouse is back, and all is OK, only to lose them again in a few years - and never to have known that it was a done deal from the start!

I'm glad you've come to a compromise you can both live with. (((Hugs))) sweetie ♥

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've