barely hanging on....
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| Tue, 07-13-2010 - 9:26am |
I am absolutely miserable.
I still haven't heard a WORD from AP since Sunday. I am still shocked and reeling and feel sick all the time. I have barely been able to eat and my stomach is a mess of knots.
I don't understand how he could have done this. I don't understand how he went from messaging me about how excited he was, to what I pretty much interpret as him getting cold feet and totally bailing.
But then I don't understand why he would even bother to text me Sunday, and sugest we get together when we had more time, when he was just planning on never responding to me! And he's not a total dickhead, so I also am shocked that he hasn't responded to anything!
I send a couple messaging Sunday night and then one Monday morning, basically saying that if he was wanting to end things, he had to tell me and stop stringing me along because this was cruel.
And nothing!!!! Like is this it? After everything, everything that HE has initiated, is this how it is going to end? He's just never going to get in touch with me again? I find that so hard to believe yet it is starting to seem like the truth.
It's pathetic. Part of me is saying 'oh maybe something bad happened!' Like he's learning to motorbike so maybe he was in an accident (which I really actually hope not) but then I catch myself and am so angry because undoubtedly he is fine and at work, where there are reminders of me everywhere, and IS JUST NOT RESPONDING TO ME.
I find myself desperately wanting to bawl and be comforted by my BF but of course I can't. And he's at work all day and I just feel so alone and desperate.
How could he do this? And how can I possibly make it through this???

Calm down, breathe, and think this through.
There could be a lot of things that happened after he sent that last message. For all you know, his wife found the messages and he promised that he would never speak to/text/e-mail you again. You already know that he is one who has guilt, so that's probably exactly what he would do if she did find the messages. Or the guilt just became overwhelming and he decided on his own to do the same thing. Men DO have a habit of breaking up by non-contact - even in real relationships! Haven't you ever known someone whose boyfriend just stopped calling - especially if it was in the early dating phase? Of course, I come from a different time, when calling was all there WAS to get in touch. More than one of my g/fs had their new boyfriend just stop calling - in one case they had dated the whole summer, and she really liked him and was pretty upset about it. But she didn't call him to find out what happened. It was pretty clear to her what happened - silence is a strong message.
Just because he may have chosen to do this doesn't mean that he isn't thinking about you or missing what you had. Men can feel things like that but stick to their commitment of "no contact" easier than we can.
I would say - if he does get in touch and explains that he just couldn't go through with it, and there's nothing "wrong" (no accident, no discovery, etc.), then I wouldn't continue with this relationship. His guilt is too strong, you will go through this over and over. If he never gets in touch, he may be doing you a favor. You WILL get through this. One day at a time, one step at a time. Please at least read through the healing library at "EAS" (ending an affair support). There's a wealth of information to help you through this, even if you don't feel ready to post. And we're here for you too!
Many (((HUGS))) sweetie. You can get through this.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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Hi Lucy,
Big hugs to you I totally relate to what you are going through as my AP has done the same to me. It's been 12 days now for me without even so much as a word from AP. I know its no consolation to you and how you are feeling right now but it does get easier.
Maybe there is a good reason why AP has done this I would give him some more time and he may contact you. For me I have to accept that I may never get the answers to my questions. I went through the anger and being sad wondering how he could do this to me without even having the decency to tell me.
If he has ended it then all I can say is he is a coward same as my AP is for not having the decency to tell us the truth. Try and keep yourself busy that will help take your mind off him. It is ok to cry you are mourning the loss of someone special in your life, and the feelings you have now will get less and less.
I am a SW so I can cry , be angry, be
I am so sorry you're going through this lucy :(.
anotherseyes
Still now word from him?
Nothing yet? Agree with JJ what an ass! I'm so sorry. Honestly, it's my greatest fear that AP will just disappear. I've told him that. It really is cruel and I am so sorry he is putting you through this. At this point he would have to work REALLY hard to get to me. I think I would keep my power and cut him off now. Easier said than done, I know.
xo
c