Been a Long Time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Been a Long Time!
6
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 11:55pm

Life just seemed to get in the way for me this last year or so.  Wow, so many new faces, not so many of the "oldies" (where did you all go??).

For any old members (and a quick history for new folks), XAP and I had been together for almost two years, the last year being pretty difficult.  I ended things when he got transferred back here with his job (he had a home here during our A, but was in another state most of the time for work) and it was apparent things were going to drastically change (like he became Mr. Mom and no longer had much time to even talk, let alone get together).  We tried to reconcile (his doing) a few months around my birthday, and, well, let's just say it ended badly a couple of months later.  At the suggestion of a couple of friends, I got on AM for the very first time for a couple of reasons: 1)  I discovered during my A that (at least when it was good), it made my marriage more tolerable, and 2)  I was desperate to get over XAP, and though another AP would help.  I have to tell you, that site is something else!  I was contacted by so many guys, many of whom were apparently illiterate, as they completely disregarded my profile.  I met several guys, but not really much worth writing home about: a lot of guys looking for a quick hook up, some with no chemistry between us, some our schedules just didn't mix.  Last July I met a guy I really hit it off with: we met for coffee six times in the first two weeks.  We began texting daily, and developed a really good friendship.  It didn't hurt that our chemistry was off the charts ;).  After a couple of months, though, he developed feelings for me and began to panic, so we cooled things off, and back to AM I went.  In December this guy took me out for my birthday, and we rekindled things, but with one problem: he had begun seeing someone else, and had issues committing to just me.  So back and forth we went for a few months: me enjoying our renewed friendship and daily chats, yet unable to handle the "other woman".  I eventually gave him an ultimatum, and told him we could be friends, but nothing more so long as there was someone else.  He agreed to give up the other woman and try to get over his fears so he could have a solid relationship with me.  About this time, XAP popped back into the picture, again wanting to give things another try.  I agreed because I truly felt like I wasn't over him.  It took all of a couple of days to discover I couldn't give up the new guy for XAP, so tried to maintain something with both (new guy knew about XAP).  It took me far less time then in the past to grow weary of XAP and the same issues we'd always had, so I truly ended it...for good.  And you know what?  I realized that for the first time in years, I really WAS over XAP.

So I am now enjoying a healthy (can you say that about an A??), loving relationship (can you imagine an AP who can admit loving you?  lol).  We are completely open and honest with each other, we respect each other, we're each other's best friend, and we truly enjoy each other's company.  I will always love XAP: heck, we have a 20+ year history together!  But that love has been tempered now that I no longer see it through some romanticized view, and with current AP, the differences between this A and the first one are incredible!

Hope everyone is doing well, and look forward to cathing up with old friends :)

~AE

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
Sun, 06-02-2013 - 6:29pm

Hi Anotherseyes, I'm still seeing AP (old boyfriend from my teens). Things are good between us, we saw each other just before Christmas, my birthday, Valentines Day, a night i March and he's taking me to a nice hotel tomorrow for a couple of days. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you and xAP but happy you've found someone  who makes you happy. xx

katuk
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 9:42pm

Glad things are going well with you and your AP Katuk :)

I jinxed myself by posting here (happened before!  lol).  At the beginning of the week, he told me that he decided he was going to use his upcoming vacation (left today) to try to rebuild his marriage, so we ended things.  I was pretty upset the first couple of days, but am doing better now.  Must get easier with each A Undecided

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
Sat, 06-08-2013 - 3:37pm

Oh, I am sorry to hear that Anotherseyes. :-(  It's good that you are coping with it though!  I can't imagine getting involved with any other man if things with AP and I ended. It's his birthday tomorrow...our meet up last week was his birthday present to himself, lol! It's going to be a difficult few weeks without contact while he's on holiday especially as (and I never thought I would feel or say this) H has a new job that takes him away from home for three or four nights in a row and I miss his company...not that we speak much or do anything together, but just having someone in the house with me!

How is your job going? I wish I could find one so I could have some financial independence from H. :-(

Katuk xx

katuk
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 7:52am

Anotherseyes, I remember you from a long time ago.  I was always a lurker not a poster.  I do remember that you always said you would never have an A with anyone else, and that it was only the situation (an old love, etc.) that created the A for you.  What happened to make you actually look for an A?  Also you really have to watch out for AM.  Lots of stories used to be here about guys who seemed so sincere but were having multiple A's because it's so easy to have them there.  You might want to create another AM account, go there and see if you can entice your ex AP into something as another person.  Play hard to get at first so he won't suspect it's you.  If he falls for the bait you'll know you haven't lost anything!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 10:30pm

I'm doing reasonably well, Katuk :).  It was hard, but we're also very good friends, and trying to still maintain the friendship.  I'm not sure how well it will work long term, as it's so very easy to cross that line.  Right now it's a lot of me reprimanding him or changing the subject ;)

I understand about not having your H at home.  There are times I can't wait to be apart from him because he's driving me crazy, but I've found in recent months that when he's not home when I go to bed, I can't sleep.

My job is OK, but trying to find something else.  I enjoy the people I work with, but the job is so monotonous (which makes me more prone to chat with guys because I get bored) and the pay is terrible.  Aside from H always yammering at me to make more money, I do need something better so that I can stand on my own two feet if push ever comes to shove at home.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 10:33pm

Hi soscared :).  Yes, I truly believed at the time I'd never have another A: I hadn't been looking for the first one, and certainly wouldn't look for another.  When XAP and I ended things, I not only missed HIM, but what he brought to my life that was missing.  I had a couple of friends suggest AM, and believe me, it's not for the weak of heart!  I've talked to and even met some real winners there.  I can say that I was a whole lot more naive than I thought I was!

anotherseyes