been MIA so an update on AP and divorced life...
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|Sun, 11-18-2012 - 8:25pm|
Hi everyone! Not a fan of the new board, plus working a lot, but thought I'd give an update seeing as I'm now going through the divorce process and wanted to let others going through the same know that I feel for you all and hope everyone is doing well! So basically just moved out from emotionally, verbally, financially (apparently i learned that 'financial' abuse does exist/there's a name for it) abusive husband with hardly any money to my name, not even enough for an official divorce. My STBX hasn't been easy to deal with, and even though being 'lonely' in a strange town sucks, I always felt like crap around him where at least there is hope things will get better one day. It sucks being dead broke, to the point where I can't even afford the court papers, just can't wait til things are official.
Things are still so messed up with my AP....he e-mails about every 2 weeks, and that's it, I want more, but I'm not going to push it. He's still living with his gf (yuk) and that's not going to change until May or June, but he said he is going to apply to these super competitive job in the states instead of leaving the country with her in the summer. Though my concern is that these are special competitive post-grad jobs, and he hasn't discussed his "Plan B", b/c the chances of him getting one are very low. Have not seen him since May, but he said he 'might' visit later this month but I doubt it. I have strong feelings from him, but I'm bracing myself to expect nothing to come of it anymore, which sucks b/c I miss him, and since he only e-mails every 2 weeks, I never know if his most recent e-mail will be his last. He's obviously got issues, whether not wanting to hurt his gf/have her find out, or is still messed up/undecided, or maybe wants to dump me but doesn't have the balls...etc. etc. At least I'm proud of myself for getting rid of one emotionally unhealthy relationship....just trying to take one day at a time, but my AP constantly keeps me guessing, and after nearly 10 months of being together, and me ultimately being the 'stronger' one by leaving my H, I'm tempted to 'dump' him in a month or two if he keeps acting this way, would hate to think that he doesn't want to be with me as bad as I want to be with him. Applying to those jobs is a good sign, but he never talks about what will happen if he doesn't get one, which is likely.
But a final thought...an earlier post about us all being 'liars' in an affair was interesting to me, b/c it's true. My AP doesn't know just how abusive my H was....and I don't know if I should write him an e-mail and tell him. I always talked to my AP vaguely about my plans to leave my husband/move out, b/c I am ashamed to tell him I am flat broke, that my husband is unstable, etc. etc and I'm sure there were points when my AP thought *I* was stringing him along, so I'm trying see things from my AP's perspective too, but now that I've officially left, I think my AP sees I was as honest as I could be and that I always would leave, it was just a matter of time and money. Just wonder what I should do as far as telling AP about how abusive my H was....I was hoping if we meet in person, maybe it would be better to tell him then, but it doesn't look as if he's actually making an effort to visit anytime soon. Anyway, just thinking out loud I guess, and wanted to give people an update since I haven't posted in a while. Hope you all are well!