Been a while..Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Been a while..Update
2
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 11:11am

Ok well last summer I happened into a relationship/friendship/affair with a man who is 12 years older than I. We became good friends and became close by talking most everday thru the week.


We became physical although that has not been the main event in our relationship mostly it was talking and sharing things about our lives. I became closer to him I feel then what he has for me.


At one point he backed away and felt guilt and I gave him space,and he became unhappy at the thought that I was ok being without him. This was not the case but I didnt want to push him in fear of loosing his friendship. We went through the Winter months still in contact but not near as much as before. It went from talking most everyday to an average of 3-4 times a week. And the seeing each other like having lunch or meeting out to talk lessoned also although we still see each other maybe once a week....I find that when I back away he breaks and calls me and then when I get back in the swing of things then he backs away. I dont want to let him control the relationship entirely and sometimes I feel used. he is a nice person but This happening in my life has been very confusing and hurts because I am having emotions that I havent in a long time. I love him and I am unsure of his feelings for me, i have ask and he seems to have a hard time talking about it but says that he does have feelings for me.


he lives in the next county and talks about spending more time down here because his job places him in the two counties and he says he wants to work here to see me more....whats even more confusing is he has a good friendship with a family member of mine and when i back away I always end up getting mentioned or he does and it keeps him in my head.... I feel hurt and unsure of what to do. I know its too soon but I dont think he will ever leave his W for me although i think he cares for me. I just feel i need people to talk to to help me deal with my feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 6:20pm
Chances are pretty good that he WON'T leave his wife. Most of them don't. So you basically have just two options in front of you. Keep having an affair and accept that is is nothing more than that and will be nothing more than that, or end it and keep it ended. There's really nothing else you can do. You can't change his situation. Only he can, and most likely, he won't. If I were you, I'd choose the latter. Affairs are usually pretty dead ends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 8:25pm

I agree with Sillyme.