Between a rock & a hard place

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Between a rock & a hard place
3
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 3:51pm
I have been with my OM for about 6 months. At first we got together because we were both needing some special attention that we didn't get from our M. The first time we made love we both agreed that we loved our spouses and this was for fun. Since then we both have proclaimed love for one another. Recently OM has tried to break off from me and won't tell me he loves me. He says love makes things harder. I think if you feel love saying it or not it will be hard when we break up. I love him and enjoy the time we have together. We both agree that everything is perfect when we're together. He doesn't want to leave his family because he fears it will hurt his daughter. He also feels that his marriage isn't bad enough to end. I love my H but I don't get from him what I get from OM. I want to be desired. My H wants me with him but I feel I am just a security blanket to him. My OM doesn't want to break up but fears we will get caught and a lot of people will get hurt. We have had a "last time" twice. I don't want to let go. He can't seem to let go either. I love both of these men but for different reasons. Before I met OM my life was so depressing. I felt like I was living each day over and over. OM gives me the desire to fix myself up. I know that I have no choice but to end the A. I don't want to. I need my OM. This is the only affair I have been in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 4:05pm
Isn't it so confusing and hard? I totally understand what you mean about wanting to fix yourself up now. For the first time in 5 years I am actually shopping for myself and finding myself wearing the perfumes that had been just sitting the the bathroom collecting dust and little stuff like that. I feel renewed and desired, it's a great feeling. I hope things work out for you. I know I'd be lost without my OM right now.

Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:48pm
To Ill,

I could have signed my name to your post. MM and I also began our relationship "for fun". We also had the "one last time" talk. This was over 1 year ago and we are still together. Right now we are in one of those down times. Stepping back and looking at things. Those happen, altho I hate them and don't really understand why they have to happen. It seems we have them when things are going so great and I finally feel "comfortable" with the whole US thing. Then he distances himself from me. Of course I try to remember that this is the man that explained to me at the beginning, what happens when we meet once, then again, then again more and more often, and then we are thinking about each other when we are home with our spouses, then we begin to like what we have here more than there.............. eventually someone will have to say, choose! it's either me or him, or her or me......whatever. He said a "train wreck". Well, I think we've passed that part of the emotional line where we have definate feelings for each other (altho they have yet to be really expressed). We say we are just "good friends" or "buddies". I know it's way deeper than that.

Hold on to the feeling and remember that we are all scared about what will take place in the future.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:14pm
Hi there. I'm like you, this is the only A I've ever had. MM gives me something H cannot, but I don't want to leave H at this point. And MM is not leaving his W either. Your A is still young, being only 6 mos. Give it time and see what happens. We have reached what I feel is a comfortable place with our R, although every now and then we go thru NC which is when I think maybe I won't see him again. But I always do. We're going on 2-1/2 years now. I say, enjoy what you have for now. You said he seems to not be able to break it off either. Just take it one day at a time. You only live once. Might as well enjoy it.

Dusty
xxxx