iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2013
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 9:23am

Just encountered this forum and although I am pretty sure I am going to be banned, I felt that I needed to post this. I guess I am what you could call an xOM. I was, and still am, involved with a woman who was married when our relationship began. The PA was relatively short-lived as I wanted her to tell her husband, and either reconcile or begin a proper relationship with me. A week later she left her husband and the rest has been a rather pleasant experience, minus some crazy attempts at retribution from her ex. We have been together for going on two years now. Due to this, it is important for me to state that I dont beleive that I am any better than you fine people on this forum.

I do, however, need to say this. I am not a massive supporter of marriage or life-long monogamy. My mother cheated on my father when I was a teen and i had to spend to most of those years growing up in a house with a mother i didnt entirely respect, and a father who slowly, over the years, turned into an absolute misogynist. I have very few positive experiences with the institution. However, you are all taking massive risks with not only your lives, but the lives of your spouses and families.

People fall into love, and fall out of it, but to join a support forum and write some of the stuff i have read here leaves me somewhat horrified. :) There seems to be a culture of entitlement that just flies in the face of reason. In these situations we are the transgressors. Not always, I do feel that many here seem to be trapped in bad marriages, but just as many seem to just stray without any real reasons. Im not sure how you can still claim to love your spouse, yet deceive them on a regular basis. Never mind the risk of fallout after discovery, and how that may affect your children. What does that say about your love for them? I have never taken the marriage plunge myself, but did nobody take their vows seriously?

Anyway, I digress. I could write pages. This post probably wont last very long anyway. Thanks for reading, if you do...