Hi.. Well, my fear has come true and I am devastated. It's all my fault for bringing up all of these emotions I have been feeling. I think I pressured him to the point of making this decision. He has said that the guilt and the desire to do the right thing has become more powerful than the pain our relationship has had...he says he doesn't want to put us through this again. What am I to do? I am a mess and hy H has already asked what's wrong and if I want to talk about it. Should I try to convince him to stay in the relationship?...I'm sure not! I have a feeling he won't come back ever either because he says he will never hurt me again like this and he will will fight the desire to see me with a passing thought for as long as he has to--I guess I truly believe him this time. I guess I need to move over to EAS...unless being my pitiful self anybody has advice how I can keep the relationship alive :( :( :(
hugs hugs hugs!!!! I can only imagine how devastated you must feel - most of us would feel similar. First, you didn't 'pressure' him into this, not really. He was feeling and thinking all these things already - you had every right to ask where you stand, especially if this A was causing you pain. Not getting the answer you hoped for doesn't mean any of this was your fault. He is the one who can't handle the guilt and the difficulties of an A. Second, I can't say for sure whether he will come back. If he's had one A, it's quite likely he'll have another A, and come back to you at some point in the future. But you can't live your life waiting and hoping for that day, because it might never come. In terms of advice and hoping to win him back, I think the best thing you can do it give him some space and time, IMHO. Do you see him ever in RL? If so, make sure you are friendly, nice and conversational to remind him of what he's missing. What you shouldn't do, because this might just push him further, is be miserable and tearful and depressed in front of him or send him desperate take me back emails or texts. Don't to that! You are better than that. Otherwise, just take it one day at a time. If you have a friend or therapist to confide in, do so. Or, use these message boards as a means of venting and healing. I'm so sorry you're hurting - I am terrified of one day being in your position. :( Also TNS, I suggest you repost this as a new discussion topic on the main page, that way you will get a lot more support and responses. hugs!!!!
Thank you so much Lucy :) It almost makes me cry more sometimes reading these comforting emails...maybe it's the happiness comfort it brings. I do see him in RL...we go to the same church..but I might just get a brief glance because his family is with him. I almost feel as if I want to at least tell him that I will be here when he's ready to come back...at least he'll know he doesn't have to fight the urge so much to contact me?
I guess I'm trying to pull at anything I can.... This is aweful
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Well, my fear has come true and I am devastated. It's all my fault for bringing up all of these emotions I have been feeling. I think I pressured him to the point of making this decision. He has said that the guilt and the desire to do the right thing has become more powerful than the pain our relationship has had...he says he doesn't want to put us through this again. What am I to do? I am a mess and hy H has already asked what's wrong and if I want to talk about it. Should I try to convince him to stay in the relationship?...I'm sure not! I have a feeling he won't come back ever either because he says he will never hurt me again like this and he will will fight the desire to see me with a passing thought for as long as he has to--I guess I truly believe him this time.
I guess I need to move over to EAS...unless being my pitiful self anybody has advice how I can keep the relationship alive :( :( :(
Hi TNS
hugs hugs hugs!!!! I can only imagine how devastated you must feel - most of us would feel similar.
First, you didn't 'pressure' him into this, not really. He was feeling and thinking all these things already - you had every right to ask where you stand, especially if this A was causing you pain. Not getting the answer you hoped for doesn't mean any of this was your fault. He is the one who can't handle the guilt and the difficulties of an A.
Second, I can't say for sure whether he will come back. If he's had one A, it's quite likely he'll have another A, and come back to you at some point in the future. But you can't live your life waiting and hoping for that day, because it might never come.
In terms of advice and hoping to win him back, I think the best thing you can do it give him some space and time, IMHO. Do you see him ever in RL? If so, make sure you are friendly, nice and conversational to remind him of what he's missing.
What you shouldn't do, because this might just push him further, is be miserable and tearful and depressed in front of him or send him desperate take me back emails or texts. Don't to that! You are better than that.
Otherwise, just take it one day at a time. If you have a friend or therapist to confide in, do so. Or, use these message boards as a means of venting and healing.
I'm so sorry you're hurting - I am terrified of one day being in your position. :(
Also TNS, I suggest you repost this as a new discussion topic on the main page, that way you will get a lot more support and responses.
hugs!!!!
Thank you so much Lucy :)
It almost makes me cry more sometimes reading these comforting emails...maybe it's the happiness comfort it brings.
I do see him in RL...we go to the same church..but I might just get a brief glance because his family is with him.
I almost feel as if I want to at least tell him that I will be here when he's ready to come back...at least he'll know he doesn't have to fight the urge so much to contact me?
I guess I'm trying to pull at anything I can.... This is aweful
Pages