A bit aggrevated

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
A bit aggrevated
7
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 10:58am

I have not heard from AP much nor have I seen him in about a month.  This is somewhat normal, but I had something sent to his house and he hasn't told me it's there, although I tracked it online and it shows delivered.  He knew it was coming.  I am a bit miffed, and I want to say something, but I don't want to be the one to contact him first.  I am pretty good about that, because my pride keeps me in line.  lol

Knowing the way he is, he is probably doing another chick, because any other time, he would be asking me over a little more regularly.  I know I deserve better, but being the married one, and he the single one, what can I do?  Am I going to wallow... no, because I have a life to live, and I refuse to let him dictate my mood!!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2013
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 12:24am
I know doesn't it always seem we are the weak one when we call them, when we make contact first? That's just how society makes you feel. I am in almost the same position as you lostbutnotfound! I swear it's so weird I know he could go weeks without messaging me first but the second I message him he is all over me. I went 10 days without talking to him and I messaged him and he said, "holy hell I thought you forgot about me". So I think they play off us a lot. Maybe they think we're bored or whatever and when we message them they are all about it. Stupid to sit and analyze such a pea brain but it's what us women do best.
Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 07-26-2013 - 10:44am
Pacsnow...You are correct. If I don't say anything, then how is my need being met. And I did say something to him this week, and I received a positive response. I am good with what we have. I just get aggrevated when he disappears and I am the one to reach out first. Know what I mean?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 07-25-2013 - 5:12pm
Ok, for what its worth, I think every single human relationship, be it a friendship, a marriage, or an affair is worthy of mutual respect. If both parties are truly ok with the level of contact/commitment/exclusivity/energy in that is happening in the relationship, then great. But if one side is not ok with it, then I think that person needs to speak up or someone make their needs known. I think speaking the truth is really important. Unless we can do that and feel at least respected enough to let our truth be known, then why are we wasting our time with that person? Will that person, once they hear the need, be able to reciprocate or somehow meet us in a place that works for us? Who knows. But if you *really* want to get what you want, you have to be able to ask for it. Just my $.02. For what its worth! Not even a cup of coffee....;0)
Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 07-24-2013 - 3:09pm
Coco...you are correct, they do come around. I am just impatient and hate to wait for him. I hate that he ignores me for weeks at a time, unless I say something. But I often wonder, if he takes his cues from me. Maybe he wants me to initiate, since I am M? I don't know; I could sit all day and theorize about him. lol I let my hot head get in the way, and I couldn't just sit around and wait any longer. And once I said something, he was a bit chatty and asking when I was available. He was quick to respond too. I know AP has a girlfriend, but I told him that I really don't care about that. I mean, I am the married one, so who am I to say that he can't see someone. As long as I get what I want from him.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 5:32pm

LBF I dind't realize that was your situation also. I am the mw and he is now single although when ours started and we were both M. And no our A was not the reason for his split. But I get the same thing from my AP. And I too get annoyed. They always come around. So don't get too down. Matter of fact I'm kinda going though the same thing with AP now. Yes I know he dates others and but my space is my space!!! lol 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 12:31pm
We never discussed the "exclusivity" of our A. We both know where we stand at this point. Our relationship, if you call that, is primarily sexual. No, it is not ridiculous, it makes sense. But we don't discuss feelings and such, and it is kept light. Resolution probably won't be found, sigh, but hopefully he says something soon, so that I don't feel so slighted.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 12:06pm

Although it would be easy to say this is just par for the course, and well, it is.  But, I do think under the context of what this board is, even an SOW or SOM could agree that just because they are the single one, doesn't mean that the WS doesn't have feelings and deserves to know if the A is exclusive, or not.

I realize to an "outsider" that would sound rediculous, but I think most posters here get it. 

My first home here was AAS, as my MM was separated and I was not a secret.  This was not my first R with a separated MM and I can tell you that I still carried a level of respect in those R.  It still did not feel right to see other people, although obviously I had every right to.

Well, your post happen to be highlighted and with the boards taking such a hit with the migration, I wanted to chime in. 

Good luck and I hope you find resolution with your AP

Serenity