THIS is the board I've been looking for!

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Registered: 04-18-2003
THIS is the board I've been looking for!
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 7:14pm
Warning: This is long!

STATS: I'm married. We have been together for almost 10 years. We have 5 children together. I'm in my late 20's. I began cheating this past January.

WHY I'M CHEATING: My DH and I have a few problems and are planning on splitting up in 2 years. We're waiting because of finances. He's in school right now, a school to job program. He can't afford to pay his bills plus child support on 5 children right now. Plus our twins won't be in preschool until Sept '05. Point is, we obviously have problems or we wouldn't be planning to split up. We had decided to remain monogomous until the split even though I wasn't being satisfied. Then I figured out WHY I wasn't being satisfied. He's a pot smoker, which I didn't care about, until I realized it was relaxing him TOO MUCH, if you know what I mean. He's not interested much and when we are intimate 30 minutes into it I'm getting bored, 2 hours into it and he finally gives up on maintaining an erection. Not the biggest turn on. How I figured it out was he didn't buy any for a while, that part of our life started making a comeback, he bought more and it went downhill again. This pattern repeated itself once again, and I knew. So I gave him an ultimatum. I told him I was going to get it, and get it good. It was his decision whether he was the one giving or whether someone else was. He made his choice, and now I'm here! Then, I never thought I'd be this thrilled he chose that over me!

MY OTHER MEN: There are two of them so OM won't work for me. We'll call them RB and KH. Yes, that's their initals, how inventive of me.

RB is from my past. We met when I was 12 and were bf and gf until I was 14. We went 8 years without seeing or hearing from each other then he called me Feb 2000. We only talked until Jan 2004. I had always turned down his advances. Then this stuff with DH evolved and I invited RB to come "visit" me. He was quite happy to oblige and it was wonderful/exciting/ravaging... you all know! He has a live-in gf and is currently working two jobs to try to get his own place. I'm not sure how I feel about that because he seems to be hoping we'll have a committed R once he is free from her and I'm free from DH. That's not what I'm looking for. Is he CRAZY? Since he is now working two jobs we only get the infrequent phone calls lately.

KH I met at a gathering. Actually, I had met him once before, but only breifly, I didn't get to know him. KH is in an open M. His W got interested in a person at the gathering and KH got interested in me. He treated me like a Goddess, like I was the most beautiful woman on Earth. He gave up a 3some to be with me. I don't know many men who frequently turn down a 3some. He was so very happy he found me "all by himself" as his and his W's swinging usually consists of her finding a woman she's interested in and them having the 3some. He told me he wanted us to seek each other out at future gatherings and hopefully other times as well. Kind of spooked me because, again, I'm really just looking for the physical. But at the same time it was so good, so I was game as long as he knew that's all I was looking for. His W, after announcing all night she and KH were in an open marriage, after saying numerous times she didn't care what he did, after TELLING us to go do our thing so she and her interest could do their's, freaked out after the fact. KH thinks it's because his W and her interest didn't work out. She didn't say anything to me but I know what she said to him because he came back to my tent very upset and told me. Needless to say, I don't know where this will go. He thinks she'll get over it as soon as she finds someone else, but I'm not sure I want her mood swings.

MY FEARS:

1. I'm a fertile myrtle. DH has had a vasectomy. Even though condoms have been used with RB and KH, and will be with any future OM, I'm aware they can break. That's how I got my 3rd child. I'm afraid of pregnancy. Try explaining that one to a "fixed" DH.

2. Keeping my cheeks from blushing and my mouth shut. When I got back from the gathering a mutual friend, who knows of my ulitmatum, asked if I had fullfilled it. I said "no" because she's a mutual friend, but the blushed heavily and so she didn't believe me. I told my cousin about RB, because I've always been able to tell her everything, but after I spilled the beans I became paranoid. Otherwise, I'm doing okay. I act totally normal around DH, the kids, our families, etc. Hopefully being able to post here will help prevent anymore blushing cheeks and open mouths.

3. DH finding out. I know I warned him, but I'm afraid he'd blow up and leave and we just can't afford that right now for aforementioned reasons.

HOW I FEEL: Aside from the fears, I feel GREAT! I'm happy. I feel like a human being again, not just some robot going about her chores with no life. I feel desireable. And - I'm going to another gathering on the 15th. Wish me luck finding a hottie!

Jetamio