This board is sometimes hard for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
This board is sometimes hard for me
7
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 8:57pm
When I first started on this board, I was so happy to finally share with someone, anyone, even strangers about my A. It was so hard to bottle up and it was great to get advice and support from everyone, but lately I've stayed away because sometimes it's so hard to be a part of this board, especially in regards to the oldtimers. It's hard for me to hear how much their OM/OW love them and care for them and share their feelings for them. I did that with MM and shared my feelings for him and he basically said "this is just sex for me and I'm having fun so don't get too emotionally involved because then it's not fun for me anymore." We've been at this for almost 6 months and it didn't start off as just sex. We were really good friends for a year or so before it even moved into an A. We never even imagined A's with each other, but somehow it went that way...and sadly my feelings have grown and it seems his has just turned into physical satisfaction b/c in the beginning he would say he had feelings for me and would make comments alluding to a future. Now, I never know what I'm going to get. I know get out of the A dummy, you're just hurting yourself, but it's so much easier said then done, especially now that I'm hooked, but I'm working on it.

I guess I don't know the point of this discussion. Just wanted to express that I'm envious of those who have loving "A's" and it's so difficult to be in one where you are the only one with deeper feelings. It's just me feeling sorry for myself is all, so don't take this the wrong way anyone. It's just one of those days...

IBC

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:44pm
I think a lot of us can relate to how you're feeling. It's part of the roller coaster of being in EMA. At least for me, my relationship with MM has changed so many times. I by no means recommend that you stay in it and keep getting hurt so, don't take this the wrong way. This is just my story... I used to feel pretty much the same way as you and I stuck it out and even threatened him that I would stop seeing him. Over time things got way better with us and now I am so much more secure as to how he feels about me.

I think that it's just really hard anyway to be involved in EMA, I still have bad days. Matter of fact today has been one of them. But I've come to realize there will be good days too and there is not much we can do but wait for them.

I hope you feel better soon.

Unsure

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 10:06pm
I think everyone on this board can relate to what you are saying! Yes, people do post when their A's are going well but there are also times when they too are not going so good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 10:22pm
You're not alone! I think no matter what level of emotion the A is based on or grows into, there is usually one person (yeah, and it appears to usually be the woman) who is feeling more than the other (and to be on “feeling more” side plain stinks). Just keep stepping back and reevaluating. Don't allow yourself to get too lost in it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 10:34pm

(((IBC)))

~Flirty~

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 9:17am
IBC

I understand where you are coming from. I read threads on this board and sometimes can't finish them because they are just too "loving". The things some of these mm do for these women, the things they say, and how often they keep in contact sometimes makes me not want to even come back here. I feel like it makes me expect more from my A. My mm and I talked in the begining about what we expected from this. We agreed that we didn't want to split up our families and he stated he would do anything to prevent that from happening. I have from the begining (7mos here)tried to talk myself into believing this is just a fun sexual A. I know though there is a part of my brain that wants nothing to do with that. MM has said things to me as well that can be interperted as him possibly loving me. So that part of me that won't listen to my reason has ruined my day on more than one occasion.

In other words, you have to protect your heart here. When fantasies of being married to mm come up... think of something else. When you say to yourself "I love him" immediately tell yourself "No you don't!". The mind is a powerful thing. I'm not saying that this has made me emotionless in regards to my A, it has just tempered my feelings.

My mm told me he has "deep feelings" for me... and has said in a laughing tone.. that he loved me. But the deep feelings conversation happened more than 4mos ago and the Ilove you but you can't do that... sentence was two months ago. So does he still feel that way? Did he ever? I don't know. I contemplate telling him I have deep feelings for him too (no L word) but fear like what happened to you .. the response i will get now. Should I share my feelings? He did and I didn't run. We all make the best decisions we can at the time, don't beat yourself up over it, thank him for being honest and tell him you will not get too emotionally attached. He will relax, but you have to understand that either you will do what you promised or you will have to get out to save your heart.

keep coming by and posting... just skip the mushy stuff!

:)

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 9:27am
I know what you guys mean about some of the threads here being saturated in sugar and love.
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
&#16
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 8:44pm
Thank you all for posting to my discussion. I know everyone has their ups and downs in their A's. I do appreciate the advice about reevaluating. I've been doing that a lot lately, especially since he said he did not have feelings for me. I'm trying hard to not be mushy and have stopped making the initial contact so that he does not feel that I am all over him. Good thing is that he still initiates contact with me, but then I don't know...A's are so hard sometimes, I just wish things were easier, or more like I wish my heart was not as involved. Thanks for the support and the advice, I was just feeling pity for myself and wishing I could find the "love" that so many of you seem to have with you're OM/OW.

IBC