Bored? Disconnected? Fizzling Out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2011
Bored? Disconnected? Fizzling Out?
Mon, 01-27-2014 - 8:56pm

So AP has been calling / texting more or less on schedule but it all seems so "surface" and actually a bit awkward.  No depth or emotional expression.  I don't want to have to try to coax it out of him.  If he doesn't feel it or can't express it, then it is what it is.  Part of the reason I'm with him is to get what I need (and because I care for him deeply, the other part is to meet his needs).  Lord knows this is all not worth the risk if there's no gratification.  I'm not saying I need crazy outpours daily but I need more than what he has given in the last couple of weeks.

This was not always so with him.  It's been an on-and-off for 12 years.  I'm finding myself frustrated and contemplating just letting it "fizzle out" with him.  No drama.  No anger.  No big "good bye."  I'm resisting scheduling our next meet-up (we live states away) for fear of having to keep things "smooth" and not upending things by asking for more.  I don't want to seem needy or clingy.  I don't want to give away my own emotional power by basically chasing after him for affection and his love.  (By the way, my guess is that he thinks everything is "great.")

I guess this is not the worst way for an A to end but it still saddens me to let go of what we used to have.

Am I alone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
Tue, 01-28-2014 - 6:48am

I think like any longterm relationship things will start to fizzle which is why most people get into affairs for the newness and 12 years is longer then a whole lot of merriages or friendships even though it has been off an on.I think now it has come down to the you have to work at it stage to keep things fresh. I think 12 years is a good run full of great memories so why not just let it end and live with what you had..   

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011
Fri, 01-31-2014 - 4:04pm

no you are not I'm think I might be there with an on and off one for almost 7 years. Do you want to move on? In my case I think Im just tired for now but we are in the same city and its hard because if you don't say anyting they just think you are on a break and they can come back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 2:35pm
Ethereal, 12 years on and off with your AP is a long time. Sometimes things tend to end in a slow fade and perhaps this could be the way its going down for you. I think its good that you're resisting scheduling your next meet up. I would allow him to see if he initiates it first. He may have some personal issues going on at home or work. One way to know is having the opportunity to really get to touch base with him. Afterall you dont want to assume anything. If you can try to chat with him over the phone if possible and see where his head is at. I always feel emails and text messages so much can be misconstrued. I wish you the best.