Both Married and Loving Others

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Both Married and Loving Others
81
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 2:57pm

OK . . . I should point out that I'm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 3:40pm

From a woman's perspective:


I think that's kind of selfish!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 3:42pm

I have nothing nice to say, so I'd better hold it.

Oh no, I feel like I have to say it, even if they will kick me out for that...why don't you leave the poor woman alone, so she can get along with her life? if she is unhappy with her H, she can always get a D, and find someone who will love her better then on a back seat of your car? So she can have a mind blowing sex with someone who actually cares, so she can have kids who would smile at her and will cherish her, a man who would hold her when she is falling asleep, a man who would wipe her tears when she is upset, a man who will dedicate his life to making her happy? Does she not deserve all of it?

Angry Vivacious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 3:46pm
Hey there,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 4:25pm

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2008
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 4:48pm
I tend
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 2:39am

Why would you two want to bring an innocent child into this already screwed up world you both have created? Just so that you both can continue with your A? How selfish can you two people be? Your excuse about being a good father and staying for the kids does NOT fly with me. You can still be a good father even if you're D'd. Imagine how these kids will feel "when" (not if) they find out you've been living a double life?

You're also not considering that you're putting your AP's life in danger. You don't know how her H will react "when" (not if) he finds out that the child his W carried may not be his. What about your W? Is it okay with her that instead of working on the problems at home and build a good foundation with her, you're going outside of your M to get your feel good? There's a reason why your W is not happy with you. Maybe MC can help you both bring all that stuff out on the table so you both can work on resolving the issues. Otherwise, do the decent thing and let her go so she can find someone who'll be there and will love her 100%.

Sheesh! I can see how you and your AP deserve each other, but her H and your W also deserve to be with someone honest who will love them for themselves. Her H may be ugly (your word) and only look good on paper, but he has integrity which is more appealing than a man who's a cheater and a cake-eater.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 6:00am

Firstly welcome to the board and thank you for posting your story.

I also have issues with what you posted, however I think some of the responses have been very harsh and I'm not sure that isn't because you're a man. That isn't to say that I don't agree with the other posters, just that I consider they could have tried a little more tact, which I'm also guilty of not using sometimes.

I'm going to comment on your AP first. If her M is as bad as she says it is, I cannot understand why she would choose to have a baby and not leave. If she is in love with you, that just makes it all the more confusing to me.

You say you stay for all the usual reasons, but they really aren't true, they are a safety blanket, for yourself. You stay because in the long run, it's easier. Kids from broken homes can do fine if both parents have the kids well being first and foremost. You aren't doing any favours to your W or kids by staying. You aren't teaching your kids what an honest, loving relationship looks like, and they get to model theirs on yours. And your W also deserves the opportunity to be in a happy, meaningful, loving relationship too - she should also have the chance to find what you found with your AP. I know D is hard, I'm on the way to my second myself and it's hurt me very badly but it's better than staying in a M where there is no respect, real love (not control disguised as love) or intimacy. That is the reason I sought out an A.

You really need to work out what you want, what will make you happy and what is best for your kids. Unfortunately, unless you choose her and free yourself from your M, you have no say over what your AP does or doesn't do.

Pisces


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pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 7:51am

This is honestly one of the most twisted stories I've read on this board.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 8:20am

All have said right.Only need to add that he is using her for his advantage.She is younger,giving him good sex and best is that he doesnt have to pay her bills !! The H continues to pay the bills and he enjoys the rest of her.Also , he has managed to brainwash her into staying and having a baby.

OP,
in 2 years you must be aware of how to book rooms in hotels or motels.If you can manipulate her life, managing hotel rooms should not be a big deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 10:17am

"But I can't leave for the usual reasons.

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