Both types?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Both types?
3
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 10:05am

I've lurked quite a bit and have read both EAS and MAS boards. My question is - Is is possible to have an AP that is both personalities - i.e. part 'cake eater' AND part 'I really want out of my marriage'?


My AP does exhibit cake eater traits and fits the pattern discussed on these boards, however along with those he does also exhibit the traits of the AP who does leave their S (eventually lol) and his emotional responses and candid conversations reflect that.


At times yeah, he is selfish and is the classic EA/PA - but okay with staying in the marriage (no matter how bad), then other times his 'wall' cracks and you see another side of him that wants out desperately but is afraid to leave becasue of his W and what she will do/has done to him -

"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 1:10pm
My AP and I are both cake eaters. However, he is not as "happily" married as I am. There have been times where he has told me what a miserable vacation, weekend, day, whatever they had. It isn't often but he'll break down and tell me how miserable they are. Several times I thought they were done and it definitely sets me on edge. I feel like I'm in the way, and probably am but he never says so. For some reason he stays with me even though we will never really be together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 8:59pm

can't be both types, that's my opinion, as the WS that left the M. I felt trapped and a lot like a cake eater, so I probably was, for a while, but once I made the decision to get out, I was out and that was that.


Are you still NC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 9:25am

Magenta! hugs to you this morning!


ah....no...NC was broken last night.


He had texted me yesterday and I didn't respond, but then he called and I answered before I knew it was him and well...you can guess the rest.


So - with all of my confusion I am going over to AAS to post for a while, to air my thoughts and see where it goes.


"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."