BRAND NEW TO THIS BOARD

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
BRAND NEW TO THIS BOARD
4
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 2:17pm

I am new to this board and IVillage itself. 31.female.Kentucky.


My marriage is horrible and basically I have fallen out of love with my husband. If I got into all the reasons and things he does wrong, I am sure everyone would understand....and I'll save that for another time. We have been married for 3 years and have 2 young boys. Somewhere along the way in the last year, someone told me about this affair website. I never would have thought of doing anything like that but I said what the hell...and here I sit today. I have met 2 men that turned out to be physical only and never spoke with again as they lived out of town. I concluded after that I had no guilt and I loved the attention of someone new, someone who wanted me, someone who I WANTED, no drama, etc..and they were married also. I did go thru some emotional rollercoaster with the first one feeling a bit used, etc.. but got over it quick...focusing on my kids and keeping some sort of sanity at home. Then....I met someone else 4mths ago. This was going to be only fun and now it has turned into an emotional desire...of course the sex is great but we talk everyday, I look forward to those texts from him, have seen each other 5 times and most recently met out of town to spend the night together. I am well educated and know good and well something or someone is going to get hurt. This will likely not end well. I want to leave my husband but am not quite there yet. I spend just about every hour thinking about this other guy, what he is doing, whats his wife look like, etc.. and he has even thrown out a good deal of jealous comments to me about my husband, etc.. I never expected to fall for someone. He tells me last week he found out his wife is pregnant. I said lets call it off and he said no, it wont change anything. Yesterday, I didnt hear from him all day which is not normal and I was a wreck. I think I am better now to cut my losses and take time to get over it. Anyone offer any advice, going thru the same thing, etc?? THX!


Also, I see all these appreviations used in other threads...anyone care to shed some light on meanings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 4:02pm

Confused - welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 9:31pm

Hi Confused,

I have been in my affair 2 years now. I use to be just like you. I needed my AP more then the air I breathed. I finally had to find a balance or drive myself over the edge. I knew I was making myself suffer, making myself crazy and causing my own pain. I learned to separate my two lives, time with A....was time with A, time at home....was time at home. Once I learned to separate the two and tuck the other away, I found peace and more happiness in my A, and at home. The stress disappeared and I can give more to AP when I am with him. I still think of him, when I am at home, but I no longer allow myself to dwell on it 100%. I keep busy, and when he slips in my mind I smile, and move on until I know I can see or talk to him again.

As for AP, and news of his pregnant wife. I think he may just be taking some time to think. Men tend to pull away to think. Give him time, and he will come around.

But if your looking for a future with someone and not just an A....then let it go and move on. Odds are you will never have a real R with him, especially with his new family on the way.

If you choose to leave your marriage, it has to be for you and only you, not your AP. Be true to yourself! Be honest to yourself, find out what you really want, and where you want you life to go.
No one can answer those things but you.

Hugs! Keep us posted!
Sunny

P.S...I know there is a place that explains abbreviations, but not sure where that is right this minute

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 7:13am

Sunny and justlivin' have pretty much said what I would say. You have the right to end the A too, because of the pregnancy. You said you told him "let's call it off" and he said no - but you have the right to say "YES, maybe it doesn't change anything for you but it changes everything for me!" Sometimes it seems like we just give them all the power.

Here's a link to the abbreviations board, which is located below in the "resources" section:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmyaffair&msg=56065.1&x=y

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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 9:04am
Welcome to the board and to iVillage! (HUGS)

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