Broken

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Broken
11
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 6:53pm
MM says he loves me (SW), but that he could never put his own happiness over the happiness of his family (wife and kids). I ended it after 6 months and it threw him for a loop. After that, he couldn't get enough of me (called and texted constantly) and went through about a month of feeling low and depressed. Lately, though, he seems to have gotten over me. He doesn't call and hardly ever texts. Now I'm the one thrown for a loop. My pride keeps me from calling or texting him, but I'm miserable. I love him. I miss him terribly. I hate that I met him. He's the man of my dreams, but he would never break up his family. Divorce is at ~60% and it's just my luck to meet a man who would never consider divorce unless his wife wanted it. Sorry for the ramble. I'm lost and confused and sitting here stunned that I got involved in such a situation in the first place. I wanted to un-lurk, share a bit, and receive some comfort food from my MAS sisters and brothers. Please offer up good thoughts for me. I need you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
In reply to:
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 10:21pm
Hi fluff, sorry for your pain. How far into this A are you? When you ask what does MM say or does he just ignore you? I don't have any wise words, but here are some cyber hugs!
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
In reply to:
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 11:30pm

Is the reason you ended the A because you knew he'd never leave?  My A of 6 yrs recently ended - I'm a SW and he's with a long-term SO.  I never planned to get in this situation, either, and am dumbfounded every time I say "6 yrs" out loud.  I know what you're going through right now is awful, and I commend you for ending it early on in spite of your feelings.  I'm glad you decided to un-lurk, & feel free to ramble!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 2:58pm

It breaks my heart that anyone settles in a relationship that's "not horrible".  I left my M over that sentiment, but it seems a lot of people are ok with their R being that way and letting their past dictate their future.  I don't have kids and my AP's kids are grown, but I can understand that would make everything so much more difficult.

I never asked AP to leave for me.  If he was going to do it, it had to be for his own reasons.  I know he thought about it a lot.  He still says he's not sure what he's doing.  The reasons he stays are complicated and unhealthy, and I have compassion for what keeps him stuck, but at the same time we all have choices.  He doesn't show much interest anymore in overcoming those obstacles or fighting for us, and that's so hard to watch when you love someone & know they deserve better.

During the time he was staying in contact with you, were you firm in your stance?  It sounds like he was really grieving and felt he had no choice but to let it go.  I understand what you mean about getting into bed each night, and the past few weeks having the day behind me is like a victory.  (((hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 6:38pm

Thank you! :smileyhappy:

I doubt he'd be texting you that he misses you if he was truly recommiting to his marriage.  Maybe he's again trying to bury the pain by focusing on that.  XAP is doing something similar.  It's hard for me to think his effort will pay off & I'll soon be a memory, but then if that's how his life would be happier, that's what I'd want for him.  For lack of a better word, sucks.  Would you ever want him to not contact you at all?  I've weighed both sides of that & still not sure where I stand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 11:48pm

I'm sorry you're having a tough night. :smileysad:   I was going to tell you earlier that you're lucky you get to travel and be on the go at a time like this, but we all have to be alone with our thoughts at some point.

I've wondered the same thing about dating again.  I put a profile up on a dating site & had gotten responses, but I haven't logged in to reply to anyone.  I think right now it would just make me feel more empty.

Sending you some good vibes!!  It may sound silly, but try to force a smile on your face & sit that way for a couple minutes.  Not a cure, but it's helped me get my composure at times I've been sooo sick of crying.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
In reply to:
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 4:02pm

We are certainly here for you!!!! :smileyhappy:

I, too, have dealt with the same guy for 6 years.  I just posted about my ordeal, and it has been a 3 year hiatus. 

I know how it feels to love him and miss him, and try not to get in touch with him.  Hold strong.   You are going through a push/pull of emotions.  I try to keep busy when I have a tendency to overthink or miss my AP.  I clean or I read, something to keep my mind from obsessing.  It isn't easy. 

I wish you tons of luck!!!

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com