Broken Promises....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Broken Promises....
5
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 2:46pm

Just out of curiosity how many of you know someone that's been in an affair or currently in one where the AP made promises to be with them and never followed through? They stayed for many years and waited in vain and left living with broken promises....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 6:33pm
My friend. Five years in the A. AP kept giving one excuse after another why he "couldn't" leave his wife. Promised "one day" he'd leave his wife and he and my friend would be together. She left her husband, thinking it would force her AP's hand. He finally did leave his wife...and began a relationship with a new woman, leaving my friend out in the cold. She went back to her husband by default. What a mess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 12:23am

I know a woman who wasn't married, but the man was.  She met him when she was in her mid-twenties, and wouldn't listen to anyone, she was "in love".  He couldn't leave his wife because the children were so young.  Then he couldn't leave her because they were going off to college.  Then one was planning a wedding, It went on for THIRTY years.  Then his wife got cancer, he really couldn't leave her then.  Then she died!  He told her he had to wait a respectable amount of time before he could introduce her to his family.  By the way, he was in a business that required him to travel a lot, an often he took her with him.  He bought her gifts, he took her out to dinner often.  One day he came to her and told her he was getting married, but she didn't need to worry, he would still be seeing her often!  That finally woke her up.......and she ended it, after she'd wasted her whole life! 

My ex was a cheater, too.......some one night stands, and a few long term affairs.  He never admitted to most of it, even though I had total information on who, what, when and where.  After almost 20 years, I filed for divorce, and he BEGGED me not to divorce him.  Men like my ex do not WANT a divorce.  They like the stability of a decent home and family....they just aren't satisfied with one woman.  And of course, if a man is married, he's NOT going to tell a woman he's happily married is he?  He's going to play on their sympathy.  She's a witch, she won't sleep w/me, when more often than not, as was in my case, he got all the sex he wanted at home. 

I also know a man who was a cheater, he met a bimbo he fell madly in love with, he divorced his wife, told his children he'd support them, but they wouldn't see him anymore......and he married the bimbo.  He was a fairly well off man who owned several fast food restaurants.....until she got access to his bank account.  She bled him dry, and then walked out on him.  ONE man who got his comeuppance......but most don't.

A man who cheats is a flawed man.  A man who is in a terrible marriage (and that happens sometimes) will divorce his wife, and move on with his life.  If a man cheats WITH you, he will also cheat ON you......simple as that. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 9:35am
I have one with a little twist. I know a woman who was in a 4 year affair with her AP. She was with her childs father for about 10 years. Things were very tumultuous with him and finally decided to leave him for the AP. The AP was the one that offered for her to move out of state to live with him and that they'd be happily ever after. Well she picked up with her kids and relocated. They got a place together and she soon found out he was not the man she thought she fell in love with. Almost a year in she finds out he has a baby that is a few months old. Her AP sold her a dream and she bought it and she's still with him to this day and all she gets is BS and drama. In this case they ended up together but it was still broken promises. This is a classic case of the grass not being greener on the other side.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 2:24pm
Fissatore, so sad that your friend spent all those years waiting for a man that would never commit to her. I just can't imagine how she stayed for so long. The things he must of told her and the way she must of rationalized things in her head to make her wait for all those years. It's truly heart breaking! We can all sit here and judge her but it was her choice and I'm sure she learned a great lesson from being with him. I hope she is in a place where she is happy and has found some peace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 11:50pm

She had a sudden epiphany when he announced his upcoming marriage.  She was a sweet lady, who never used a cuss word in her life, but that day she told him to kiss her a$$ and go to hell.  She was already in her mid 50's at that point, and she passed away in her early 60's.  She is definitely in a better place, and I often wonder what place HE's in?

Re your friend who moved out of state with her AP.......of course he was a different man than she thought.  People in affairs, men more than women, are liars and pretenders.  It's like when a young couple dates.  They are BOTH on their best behavior for the first few months, then the real personality comes out, and sometimes that's when one or the other realizes this guy/girl is NOT for me.  AP's are the same.  The relationship is based on sneaking around.....and it takes a phony and a liar to sneak around successfully!  That's why affairs rarely turn into good marriages.  After my divorce and my husband remarriage, she met the REAL him, not the one who she'd been seeing for a year while he was married to me.  She was the 4th or 5th affair he'd had, and I'm sure she didn't know that.  She divorced him after several years, because in addition to being a cheater, he was by then an alcoholic.  It's too bad second wives don't talk to first wives.......and find out what he's REALLY like.....but then they'd never believe it anyway I guess.