Call me!!!!
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Call me!!!!
| Sat, 02-07-2009 - 11:58pm |
I have always been a very conservative, high-strung, slightly self-righteous woman...until a few months ago. I met a guy while I was out of town on a 2-week work assignment. I was really closed off to him at first, but, long story short, I ended up REALLY liking him. I think it started when the airline lost my luggage and he walked with me on the way to lunch to chat about it. We also ended up talking about why I only have 1 child when I've been married for 9 years, and I told him that I was waiting to see if things would work out long-term (my husband had been very emotionally abusive to me, but I had very mixed feelings about actually leaving him). He listened to me and had some very wise and thoughtful things to say. I sat with him at lunch and started hanging out with him and a group of guys and gals after work. While we were out one evening, I had a spider crawl on me, and I am deathly afraid of them...I started hyperventilating and leaned on the trunk of a car as I tried to catch my breath...he put his hand on my back and very calmly walked me through the process of getting air back into my lungs...it WORKED! I couldn't believe it!! I felt so relaxed and at ease...something that I don't often feel normally, let alone when I'm in the middle of a panic-inducing situation. It was very late by the time we (including him and I and 2 other girls) got to place where the 2 girls were staying (it was raining really hard, and we had gotten lost on the way). We were having so much fun that we went up to one of the girl's rooms and talked until 3 in the morning. I was too tired to make the hour drive home at that point, so we all camped out in the girl's room (the girl, this guy, and I in her queen-sized bed). I kept my back to him the whole night, and he was completely respectful of me...he held my hand--that was it! In the morning, he coaxed me into laying on his chest. I did so very shyly. What shocked me was how I got turned on when I put my hand on his chest. After that, I got up and insisted that we all go home. He asked if he could give me a hug, and I grew weak in the knees. I tried to only go out with a "chaperone" present, but that did not change how I felt when he got close to me. He kept asking me if he could kiss me, and I kept turning him down, but I did let him hug me and scrunch my hair, and for some inexplicable reason, that really turned me on. Once I did let him briefly kiss me on the lips one time, my body would not settle down, but I was determined to be "strong" and stand moral high ground. By the end of the 2 weeks, I couldn't take it any more. I ended up breaking into HIS room and insisting that he make out with me the night before we both flew home. Once we both got home, I told him he was my favorite "secret indulgence" (like Ben & Jerry's for the mind), and he said that I made him blush. I sent him some slightly "naughty" pics, and he said he wanted to see more of me...and then he vanished off the face of the planet. He claims he didn't have a girlfriend when we met. Is it possible that he has one now? Why wouldn't he just TELL me so I can stop pursuing him? Am I being naive to think he would want to keep me in his life as a "friend with benefits" (whatever that really means...)? He won't return my calls...or e-mails...or texts. This is driving me crazy!! Part of me wants to call him every hour until he tells me to stop it (or answers), but part of me thinks I just need to be strong and let him slip away. Any thoughts?

I'm a little confused as to why you care so much about a guy that you hardly know, doing a vanishing act on you. I wasn't completely clear as to whether you went all the way w/ him or not, but it sounded like you didn't. I suppose that it would be nice to know just why he stopped communicating w/ you so abruptly, but it doesn't look like it's going to turn out that way, so let it go.
I don't know about you, but I have enough on my plate w/o sweating the small stuff, and I consider something like this, to be small stuff. Maybe he didn't like something you said. Maybe he just got out of a long R, and doesn't want to get back into it w/ another woman right now. Maybe he is in the hospital, or jail. You just don't know because the list of potential reasons is endless. So do you really want to torture yourself w/ trying to figure out what really happened? Let it go, and except that sometimes it's like that.
Justice
My guess is that you came across as very needy and you are and that's cool. I guess you get to thank this guy for pointing all of what a man CAN be and should be and unfortunately he also pointed out all that you are missing in your own life. An affair doesn't help or change that though. Emotional affairs are to help us get through our marriages or to help us leave them, that's that. It's very rare for someone to be there for you once and if you make it through to the other side of single again. You want someone to hold you,love you, care about you,listen to you because you just now realized how wonderful that is but that did not mean it would be him. He's just an example of what you should have in your life.
You have some thinking to do. You blew this one over one or a combination of many things, he wasn't into having a long distance relationship could be the first one. You were TOO needy, you don't know, he could have a wife at home who is emotionally withdrawn from him so the 2 weeks of caring for you was cool but now that he's home, his life has to go on too. Maybe he's just a player, players always know the right things to say and do and since you didn't put out, what's the point? Stop wondering about him, start looking at the WHY and HOW of how he effected YOU. That's all that counts at this point.