Calling All Cheerleaders

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Calling All Cheerleaders
20
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 5:58am

I'm really starting to freak out about this whole AP thing. I mean he said that he would be out in March, but the not knowing of what March will bring is killing me. I'm trying to brace myself so that in the likely event that he doesn't leave I won't be so shell shocked.

It's just hard to believe that he can be so distant, and still maintains the feelings that he says he has for me. I have given him multiple outs, and he always says that's not what he wants. He wants to be w/ me. He comes to see me, and calls, but not like we use to. He said that when he sees me all the time he can't stay focused, and that he needs to focus to get things done.

I don't know, is he full of crap, and stringing me along, or is he really just trying to focus? I feel so insecure right now. I miss him so much. I just want to see him for a while. I'm just so tired of a this, and regret the day that I ever saw him. It's been a long 8 yrs.

Justice

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 6:52am

Girl hanging in there!!!


You've made it this far

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2009
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 7:48am
If he is "getting-out" then he is probaby doing it for himself first - in that case he just may be insulating himself - making sure to himself this is what "he" wants - which is good otherwise he may carry some un-necessary baggage.... he just wants some space - it will be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 8:19am
I am not a betrayed spouse at all. I use to post on here all the time as AP. I speak the truth..I havent seen to many posts by you here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 11:01am

Okay, I haven't been really paying much attention to your posts because I sense that you're a smart person with a good head on your shoulders. So, all I'm gonna say is. Don't wait for him to do whatever. You should have your own timeline in your head wherein if you don't see progress within the timeframe you say enough is enough. 8-years is a long time. Seems to me he likes sitting on that fence too much. You can't make any decisions for him, you can only do that for yourself. Start to really plan for yourself and not worry about him. You have a full life ahead of you. If he wants to come along he knows what he needs to do. But you go march on ahead as if he's not in the picture.

I know why this R with him is so addictive for you. It's because he is just giving you little highs with out really satisfying all your needs, therefore, you keep chasing to get more. But the way he sets it is that he'll just keep you hungry for him all the time. I see that as a form of control. Turn the table around on him. Let him see you moving on without him and don't be too available to stroke his ego sometime....



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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 11:49am

Hi Justice,


I'll be your cheerleader.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 1:46pm
You have been with him 8 years, today is 1/26, we are almost into February, March is not that far away. I say give him the time he needs. At this point I don't see why he would be lying about wanting to be with you. I think he means it. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 4:35pm

LOL OMG - Fantasy that is the best damn list EVER!!!

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 1:39am

That was a great post! Thank you so much. I have been on #7 for a while, but I'm tired of being the best I've had lately, KWIM? I have to say that I have done very well w/ not calling him, unless it's for our son, and I still put it off for as long as possible. I'm not chasing him.

This is our LAST chance at happiness. If he blows this dead line that he choose then that speaks volumes to me about how he really feels. I feel like a 6 yr.old and it's Christmas Eve night and I'm not sure if I fall on the naught or nice list, so the night is endless wondering if he is going to come to my house or her's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 1:48am
In the beginning he said it was for me, and later as he saw my guilt he changed the fact that he was leaving about him. He told me not so long ago that "Lord forbid, you married tomorrow, I'm still leaving, I can't stay here." So perhaps you're right. Thanks for the male POV. I appreciate it
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 1:55am

Just curious, but what does this mean.....

Okay, I haven't been really paying much attention to your posts because I sense that you're a smart person with a good head on your shoulders.

Thanks for the compliment, because lately we have run short on those, but you said that you don't read my post. Is it because they seem trivial to you? I'm not try to be confrontational, that just struck me as an odd thing to say to someone who you see as smart, or has a good head on her shoulders. Just curious by what you mean exactly when you said that. Either way, thank you for taking the time to post on my thread. I appreciate it

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