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| Mon, 01-26-2009 - 5:58am |
I'm really starting to freak out about this whole AP thing. I mean he said that he would be out in March, but the not knowing of what March will bring is killing me. I'm trying to brace myself so that in the likely event that he doesn't leave I won't be so shell shocked.
It's just hard to believe that he can be so distant, and still maintains the feelings that he says he has for me. I have given him multiple outs, and he always says that's not what he wants. He wants to be w/ me. He comes to see me, and calls, but not like we use to. He said that when he sees me all the time he can't stay focused, and that he needs to focus to get things done.
I don't know, is he full of crap, and stringing me along, or is he really just trying to focus? I feel so insecure right now. I miss him so much. I just want to see him for a while. I'm just so tired of a this, and regret the day that I ever saw him. It's been a long 8 yrs.
Justice

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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
and i'm glad she posted the list...i've been doing three things on there...already but i needed more things to do..whoo hooo...so glad for the posters here...
TGR..you are the greatest....i mean to tell you that before
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
*pops in, does a cartwheel, waves pompoms*
Hey Justice... See, you're still thinking straight, even stressed. I love the list, it's a great idea.
All I can say is, the more you get on and live your life, the better it will be - and the more it will focus his mind.
D x
Awwww G2, That's very nice of you to say that. I'm glad that I don't come across as being flippant when I'm just trying to insert a little humor in my posts. It makes me feel good to know that someone notices, and appreciates it.
Justice
so glad to read that you have enjoyed your day with ap and your son.
"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"
Crime_fighter,
I know you have a lot of hope for March, but don't count your eggs before they hatch. You have to live in the here and now. Don't look at what is coming in March as if it will "make you or break you". You have to look at it as if, he comes around then he does. If not, then he doesn't. You can't change your entire plans for your AP. You need to work on your life with your children. You can't let what your AP does change your outlook on life. Because no matter what, whether he comes or doesn't, you still have children to look after. Your children will always be there for you. I wish the best for you, but don't mix reality with fantasy. Just roll with the punches of life, and see where it takes you. I know you will be hurt if he doesn't come around, but you can not put your plans in order on his terms. You have to keep plans on the likeliness that he doesn't come. So no matter the outcome you will be set either way.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find happiness where ever you are, and whom ever your with.
Thanks Silly, it is always good to hear from you my friend.
As for AP/my son's father I don't know what will happen in March, but I am bracing myself for it. I WANT to walk away, but I don't know that I have the emotional fortitude to do it. It would be just so much easier if we didn't share a child, and I think that he knows that he can use that to draw me back.
Thanks for taking the time to show you care.
Justice
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