Can An Affair Remain Strictly Physical?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Can An Affair Remain Strictly Physical?
29
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 12:11pm

I have been enjoying a PA for about 8 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:18pm

I think that you should include one more in your circle. It is much easier when you know that she is seeing someone else too. I know the other person that my FWB is seeing, and that helps to keep my mind on the straight and not so narrow. I know that it is not exclusive.


kat

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 2:28pm

This is VERY similar to my situation. We are also family friends, we see each other as couples, socially, more than that, though. Probably several times a month. AP and I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 4:03pm

Thank you for your response and insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 4:50pm

My PA started during a night of drunkeness - not the most level-headed way, I'll admit. About 7 months later we started hanging out more. It was platonic at first, but then AP split up with his wife. He was over all the time. He was making sexual comments at first and I was rejecting him at first, too. Then, we had another night of drunkeness where I was the instigator, if you will. A few days later I asked him to come over and we fooled around a bit. A couple weeks went by and he was over again.


Then, I made it ok in my head to have sex with him because of the issues I have in my M. So, we had sex. After the first time it got easier because I was like, "well, I've already done the deed, why not do it again!" Real logical, but I keep telling myself that it's

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 10:35pm
"because so many sources say that affairs turn emotional, particularly with women." precisely but it is not always the case with men.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 11:07am

Hlinn,


Do you think there's any way you can spice things up with DW? Has she always been less interested in sex than you, even when you first started dating? Are there young children involved that are causing her to be otherwise focused? Do you try everything you know how to make her feel sexy and desireable? And I'm not just talking "Hey honey, you look pretty today." Do you let her know that she makes you horney and that you can't stop thinking about her all day long? Do you tell her the things you want to do to her when you get home from work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 1:27pm

At the risk of reopening a really overlong thread, I will refer you to my posting on the mismatched libido board for a complete (contemporaneous) dialog concerning my ultimate decision to pursue the PA.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlclashing&msg=10475.1&x=y


I, too, am worried about where this all leads.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 11:24pm

i thought so, until after d-day, when i realized i missed the sex, but also missed the texting (and not just the flirty-dirty texting), the "i'm off work" call every day, the way he would text me a question mark to make sure it was ok to talk/text.

and the smell of his laundry detergent. and the sound of his laugh. and the smell of beer on his breath once in a while. and....i could go on...

now i realize there are so many reminders that i can hardly go an hour without thinking of him. and we were only in our A for 4 months, and it's been 3 weeks since d-day, and already he's broken NC.

the sex is always good, but along with it comes a lot of habits that are not sexual, but emotional, and that's where i fooled myself into thinking it was all about the "o". i missed the other stuff just as much, to my own surprise.

good luck. you got a lot of good feedback here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 11:57pm

"IMO, a PA will eventually lead to emotional attachment, especially if you are already friends and share aspects of your life together outside the bedroom." U ARE SO RIGHT. read my post, on "What type of s.o.w. are you?" if you have not already done so. also "what type of mm/mw are you?" i think they are similar to what you just said. sometimes you intend the affair to be physical but as i said in one of the above posts, "cupid" takes over and you fall in love. because of the type of person i am, i couldn't get involved in an emr for physisal reasons only. it has to be deeper than that.

Emotions develop when you start sharing very personal stuff with your AP."

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 12:00am
"Emotions develop when you start sharing very personal stuff with your AP." true.
k2002
k2002