Can anyone identify with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Can anyone identify with me?
11
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 1:26am
I have been reading the message board for a couple of years now, but I have never taken the time to share my story. I felt like I have benefited from the people who have shared on these boards, so I am going to try to return the favor. Here goes...
I have been in an EMA for about 5 years now. We, as so many do, started out as friends that grew into something I eventually have grown to need in my life. Both myself and OM are married but we like it that way. We talk almost daily, we email, and we meet when we can but it is enough for us. We love each other very much, BUT, we love it like it is. I love my DH and he loves his W but we also have a very passionate, sincere love for one another. I have never told anyone about the A for obvious reasons, but also, what we have is so very special that I don't think anyone could understand. (except those who participate in this board)
In beginning, although we really did care about each other, we both thought it would be just a sexual thing. We have this unbelievable chemistry and attraction to one another. (by the way, that chemistry is just as strong today as it was in the beginning) Over time, we have developed a kind of love that I don't really know how to explain.
Neither one of us wants the other one full time. We get the very best parts of each other. Both of our home lives are happy but our A has also become a NECESSITY in our lives.
We are best friends that share an indescribable mutual love for one another. We have tried to end it several times but we just need it too bad. For right now, I am totally satisfied with the relationship and don't feel the need for more from him. Very strange because I usually am the "all or nothing" type.
I am afraid this turned out to be a "babbling mess", but I could write about he and I for days. I tried to just give you guys the jist of it.
I am curious to know if anyone else out there is in the same kind of relationship because I would be interested in chatting about it. It would be nice to talk to someone who understands my situation.
Best to you all
lw

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:04am

Yes, I can relate. I feel exactly the same way and could have written your post except we've been together for just a few months over a year. We're very much in love, it's very special. The chemistry and sex is unbelievable. We talk and email daily. Really, everything in your post applies to me and my situation as well.

I'm not sure of your ages but my MM is almost 20 years older than I am and not in the best of health. I worry so much about what will happen to me when he's gone. I'll be completely devastated. I try to cherish every moment we have together and only hope that we'll have a good 10 years or so together. He's in his early 60's.

I love him so much. I get to see him this week. I'm so excited. We meet at a hotel for a few hours of bliss a few times a month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:03am
Sept-lover
I was so glad to read your reply.
Our age difference is about 10 years, he is in his early 40's. I am sorry to hear your MM is in poor health. Are you ever afraid that something will happen to him (God forbid) and you won't know about it. I worry about that all the time. I live in a small town and I would find out, but that thought crosses my mind sometimes. Thoughts?
Have a great rendezvous!!
lw
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 1:23pm

I can identify with you.

This would be the second time for me I had a relationship a couple of yrs ago and my hubby found out about that. This time I have been seeing my EX from elementary school he has kept in touch with me over the years and this year I thought I would call him up. I never intended to have a sexual relationship with him we just couldn't resist one another. We have only been seeing each other a few months but we have known each other for years. He taught me how to kiss and was my first real boyfriend in the 7th grade.

We were just emailing and talking on the phone all the time we went out a couple of times.He is married a newelywed actually,but he has never forgotten about me. I am not trying to make him leave his wife nor am I planning to leave my hubby. But I don't want to let him go either we both know what we are risking.I love my husband dearly and he loves his wife just the same.But we just can't seem to get enough of each other we talk about everything from kids to work.

We have only had sex twice and it was great it has been 2 months since the last time. I miss him all the time and he knows this and he feels the same for me.We call each other all the time when we are at work and once we are home we email. Hope that this dosen't make me seem crazy but I hope to have him around a very long time even if we never have sex again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:18pm
I would love to chat with you further. Send me an e-mail!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 6:11pm
Hi pruplestar,
It is amazing to me that we can find these relationships so fulfilling. Unless you are in one, you wouldn't understand. Don't you agree?
Thanks for the reply. It is very comforting to hear there are other people who are in the same place that I am in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 6:27pm

My MM and I have the same type of relationship. We both love our spouses and have no plans of leaving them. MM and I have an amazing relationship that I would not change for the world. We make one another happy and also think it makes our M's better as well.

Your not alone lovingw. : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 7:09pm

Hi there,

I have lurked on these boards a number of years as well, don't post often.
Your story is very similar to mine, so nice to know I am not alone.
We have been "together" over 7 years and no signs of either one of us going anywhere.

He is a nice addition to my life, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thanks for posting your story.
bdg

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 10:58pm
Hi BDG!
I think it is wonderful that we all have a place we can go and talk about out individual situations with people who understand and aren't judgemental.
Thanks to everyone on this board!! You are my sisters.
LW
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 2:44am
The only thing that I have a hard time with is wanting and wishing sometimes that I could have more of him. When I'm not content with the situation as it is, with it's limitations I start to yearn for him, wanting him toooooo much. That part is hard. I'd love to hear from those of you who have years in on this situation (I'm just over a year) how you keep balanced. I am only able to see him a two or three times a month and we talk on the phone daily, and email almost daily. Sometimes (like today) I love him so much it hurts. I want to be with him so badly. Thankfully I see him tomorrow. I'm going to show him how much I love him for 3 hours. Ahhhhhhhhhh I can't wait.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 3:19am
SL,
I have been in my EMA for over five years. During the first year or so, I did want him to leave his W and be with me. I spent a lot of time crying over this, but, eventually, we settled into this comfortable place and, although I don't get to see him as often as I want to, and there are times when I really need him that he cant' be there for me, I feel completely satisfied. I am not sure if anyone understands that, because I am not sure that I do, but I am thankful for it. I know how much he loves me and that is enough.
And, your lucky. You see your EMA a couple times a month, I see mine only every couple of months (and we live 5 miles from each other)!!!!
Have fun and hang in there.
LW

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