Can anyone translate

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Can anyone translate
9
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 3:18pm

Can any one translate what " I need a break from this double life" actually means. Been with AP for three years. Never had a problem seeing each other, spending time together. His married life was never an issue with us. Fast forward, 3x now he has said this to me. I asked him for how long, he said 1 maybe 2 mths. I'm ok with the break, its just now I'm wondering if there is not something else going on. Is this a common phrase in A's


Scar
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 5:12pm

Hi there scarletlettera,


I don't really have advice or words of wisdom, but the content of your post worries the heck out of me. I put myself in your place and tried to imagine if that was my AP/BF saying that to me. My immediate, and knee-jerk gut response is...he's maybe trying to find a way to end it.


I would have to say, that if you've been together for three years...just come out and ask him what he means by that statement. Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't. I would drive myself absolutely around the bend, wondering what the heck he meant!


Sorry, this probably doesn't help but my advice (ok, I guess I do have advice) is don't wait around wondering....ask him straight out. Maybe easier said than done but I think coming out and asking would be a lot easier than worrying and wondering. As far as it being common, well...unless you've been living in each other's back pockets, I wouldn't exactly say so (but that's just me).


Let us know what happens and take care,


benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 5:47pm

I did ask my AP if thats what he wanted and he said No, Never. I did ask him what he meant by he needed a break. he said living the double life was stressing him out. The thing is AP's wife is going to be off work for a month so we will have very limited contact any way. Its fine with me if he takes a break, I was just wondering if maybe I was missing something.

Scar
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2009
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 6:22pm
It sounds like he is going to start dropping hints that he wants to end the relationship with you and devote more time to the wife
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 7:58pm

If you trust him, all you can do is believe what he said and give him the time and see what happens.

For what it's worth I would be worried too. It's almost a cliche that "I need a break" usually means "I really want to break up but I'm trying to let you down gently". I DO understand him getting tired of the "double life" but if that's the case, what good will a "break" do? It'll never change and be anything BUT a double life, right?

Anyway I would give him his "break" but I might be sort of preparing myself for it to be more.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 8:31pm
I've had a lot to deal with today. I have talked to him a lot this afternoon. He said he thought thats what I wanted.
Scar
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 8:48am

"I need a break from this double life."


I'm sorry but it sounds too much like the classic line many of us women have used, "I just need space for a while to find myself."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 10:56am

I agree with the other respondants that a little clarification would be ideal. But it could very well be your AP isn't quite sure himself. You mentioned you've always had pretty open access to him (a state most envious for

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 10:39am

I think your right. For the last couple of years I didn't view our relationship as an A.

Scar
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 3:57pm

I actually disagree with the other replies.


I think the stress of the double life is too much and he needs some time to re-group.