Can guys keep "no feelings"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Can guys keep "no feelings"?
8
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 12:16pm

I know there has been talk on here about how guys can compartmentalize their feelings better than girls can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 1:55pm
I think it is easier for men to have FWB relationships without the emotional attachment just because women are generally more emotionally attached during sexual relationships to start with. That doesn't mean all men can compartmentalize their feelings that way so easily, nor does it mean that women can't. But to answer your Q, I think that, yes,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 2:15pm
i think over time the feelings do grow and change. just talking about my experience in general, i've been in my affair for year and half, give or take a month or 2. in the beginning my AP and i would talk, but he would either cut me off the phone or the calls where short lived. no personal emotional talks of any kind really. the sex was just that, sex, no emotions. no kissing, no holding. then back in april, i noticed this huge change in my AP behavior. for the first time ever, after a year, he told me about some marital problems he was having, during this course, the conversations have gotten more personal, more emotional. just recently when i tell him something work related, he now wants to know the out come. our sex has gone from sex to very passionate kissing, to holding, touching, to kissing when we are finished. that's taken about a year and a half. our phone calls last for like an hour now, and he wants to know about me. it's been a slow process, but so worth it with him. i think feelings do complicate things though. i've learned how to do with my feelings so they don't over whelm me .
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 11:07pm

Hi, I have been lurking for a long time. But after reading this, I wanted to share that I have the same questions. My AP and I have been together for 4 months. He confuses me. Some months he will contact me like crazy and then it could be weeks before I hear from him.
I sent him a long email about my feelings and he did not respond. I was confused and hurt. I had to go to him and then we met and talked but it was not how I wanted it to be.

He says that women complicate things, basically think too much about it. But then on a different day he would say that this relationship is not one sided, not just about sex.

Can guys really form no attachments? Is it just about sex and nothing else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 1:15am

My thoughts:


1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 10:51am
all i can tell you is that it took a year for him to be open and intimate with me, when we make love now he kisses me passionately, that took a year and half, he'll now come inside of me, that also took a year and a half. whether he wants to admit it or not, i believe he's become emotionally attached to me. i fought to call him yestarday, but gave into my urge and called, he needed me there to be with him last night. the first time ever. i stayed with him for three hours and listened to him. he still wont kiss me good bye, so i kiss him on the cheek.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 3:34pm

Hi Umwow -


I have been involved with my AP for eight months, he is the single one and he also says "No Feelings" "No Emotions"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 4:52pm

"I think men just keep things in perspective. I don't know. Sometimes it hurts when I think he doesn't care for me the same way I care for him. He treats me so well when we are together and I try and tell myself that actions speak louder than words."

Well, I think they might try to keep things in perspective but sometimes they're not as in control as they'd like to think they are. After being off and on with my AP for years we're sort of back on. Now he said he didn't want a "relationship" and while I've found that hard I've put aside a lot of my feelings - I act affectionately but my heart is a little walled off. I don't give him lots of sympathy over how hard his life is any more.

He on the other hand? He's back cooking me dinner, holding my hand when we're out... On Saturday after we'd had sex I was teasing him a bit about how that was all he was around for and I was using it because I needed my bathroom painted. And he got really funny, giving me this big-eyed look and saying it wasn't just that.. So I gave him a gentle poke and said "aw, does you have a crush?" and he went very quiet and hid his face in my arms.

I actually think women can be harder than men, if they want to be. From reading round the boards it seems that women are much more likely to make a decision to end a marriage for their AP than the men are. If you crack a man's shell he's softer than a marshamllow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 5:18pm
Although actions do speak louder than words....sometimes its just empty pretences to keep us happy im sure!

Never mind....I do believe men have feelings as deep as our own but bc they are not the same ie the femininity they have a harder time expressing it!

LT xx