Can he be trusted??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Can he be trusted??
4
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 8:08pm
I have a question for everyone involved with a married man.

Do you really feel he will ever have 100% of your trust?

I have been in this relationship for about 12 yrs.

His marriage and my marriage are a "staying together for the kids" type deal and we plan to have a normal relationship when the kids are 18 which will be in about 4 more years.

Anyway, to get to the reason for my questions, my relationship with my MM is great (under the circumstances) but I can't help but always wonder...if he lies to her...his wife of 20 yrs....should I really believe he's not lying to me? He always seems so upfront, open and honest with me and has never given me reason to doubt him personally, but this little voice in the back of my head keeps questioning everything!

Can a man betray his wife and be dishonest and unfaithful because he doesn't love her anymore and be totally trustworthy to the woman he does love?

I suppose he could wonder the same thing about me and I know I would never lie or be unfaithful to him. I've waited way to long to find someone that treats me as nice as he does.

Anyway, just wondering if it's normal for me to have some doubt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 8:19pm
hi your cyber pal maybe l'm navie about my mm l know him for 25 years l have to say l could trusted very much.my mm has had very hard time with feelings for me and guilted over me to.nothing happen until l was 23 since is older then me.he very good caring loving man who love so much would give anything rigth to be with to love and take care of him.
kimmy
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 8:49pm
i think their relationships with their wives are different then their relationships with us. my MM has also been married 20 years. He is torn between me and her, two women that he loves. He is more honest with me than her, but communication is one of their problems, that's how i ended up in the picture i guess.

jenny
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 11:01pm
Each relationship is different as the people involved interact differently with each other. I agree with Jennlynnk that they treat their wives differently than the treat the A.

Regarding trust, you need to look at what you know about the man you're involved with. For my own situation, if MM chooses to leave his W and we eventually end up in a real relationship, I know that he would have 100% of my trust. Why??? After all, he's cheating on her and lying to her??? Well, I have known MM for a very long time and we are the best of friends, so I know what essentially broke down his marriage and why he and I ended up beginning this A. I know that if the situation were different at home, he never would have cheated on her. And since the dynamic between he and I is so very different than he and his wife, I feel I could trust him if our R was more than just an A.

Hopefully that doesn't sound too confusing.

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 11:27pm
ALthough I am at the end of the A, I feel that if MM and I had ended up together, I would have trusted him as well. As Annika13, MM and I have known eachother for so long and discussed our respective problems I know what is making MM so unhappy in his marriage. Things I wouldn't even have to think about not doing and/or things that I would be doing. It is not just the fact that since it is an A and you do not have to deal with the day to day things either. MM discussed the day to day things, what was good, what was bad, etc. We each had to make time for eachother as we both have kids and sometimes when we were talking there were several interruptions as the kids never want to talk to you until you are on the phone!