Can i join you??? Need Support!

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Can i join you??? Need Support!
5
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 4:45am
i met my MM five months ago. he's 42 and i'm 28. My marriage was very bad, and over, and he helped give me the strength to leave, although promised no future. So i left my marriage in mid june. MM told me 8/11 he would leave his marriage (very long marriage of 20 yrs) and he told W. By this time, wife and youngest DD new me (16 yrs), oldest DD (19 yrs) (living out of town) new of me. We were completely in love, not just me, him too. But after two months he changed his mind. He couldn't leave her even though he was unhappy. Couldn't "start over" and couldn't do anything to mess up thier "history". i understand. But so far hasn't TOLD wife he has changed his mind (??).

So now i am faced with... go the no contact route, break up, or be the other woman. For now i have decided to be the other woman. He doesn't want me out of his life. He likes to do things to help me, buy me things, hang out with me, i like to let him, and the sex is the best i have ever had. i was very hurt he changed his mind (would have been WAY better if he had never said he'd leave in the first place!!!). But i am freshly seperated, not even divorced, and have no desire to date. i just need a place to come and vent becuase, as i try and get over the fact that he *convinced* me to trust him and then "changed his mind" i just keep bringnig up all the thigns he said to me and how he did me wrong. He knows he did me wrong but he's trying to be here for me and be cheerful and keep me cheerful.... i basically have to get over it. i mean...... i had to have known somewhere in my heart/brain that the chances of this workign were slim to none. And he could have handled it alot worse. Trust me, the seperation left me a basket case, but he is here for me day and night. i cry on his shoulder, we got out and have fun, he doesn't hide me, he spends all his free time talking to me. i guess i have guilt that i am doing myself wrong (but this is what i want for now! i don't WANT to date yet!). And i have pain that i have to quit sharing with him or i am going to drive him away. Yet, i tried sooo hard to trust him, and as soon as i did, he "changed his mind", although he has't left me or done anything else bad to me. i think he truly was just confused, said he'd leave, and then realized he hadn't thought it through. But i feel like a huge idiot for believing him and i feel like everyone is laughing and pointing (or will be when they find out) and saying... ha ha look at dumb jen, actually thought he was going to leave.

But i am happy with our arrangement, i love him, i love just being his girl, i love still having all this great sex and companionship yet living alone, i love our relationship, just need some place to come for support, and when the day comes that i have to get out there and date, well i am DEFINITELY going to need advice on THAT!!!!!!

Thanks for listening!!!!!

Jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 8:00am
Welcome to the board Jenny. It sounds like your life and all that you've known it to be is in a whirlwind right now. Have faith that it will all work out for the best in due time. There is nothing saying you have to make definately choices at this point. If you are content with simply being "his girl" while you dig out of this difficult time you've found yourself in, then that's what you should do. You've come to the right place to sit, have a cup of coffee and not be surrounded by judgements. You are very much in a situation that makes this board a perfect place for you to vent and to gain advice and knowledge from all the men and women who have been or who are in the same place you are now.

Best of luck to you, chin up girl and keep in touch!

*hugs*

Liberal

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 9:30am
Thank you!! i do think this is the perfect board for me. i know what i want i just need a place to go where i can talk about WITHOUT being judged. At this point his wife knows and she totally excepts it, so if we want to go on this way, i'd say it's our business. She gets to keep him in the end so...... i am very glad to be here. Thank you!!!

Jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 11:05am
Remember... you are always in charge of your own life...and although faith has a big place in it...you can change it.

I am a true believer everything happens for a reason...even if we may not know what that reason is. So was it that you needed to get out of your marriage..and this guy helped you do it..

Good luck to you and keep us informed.

Glad you found this board.

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 11:03am
Sorry, i plan on being around here for a LONG time, so i wanted to bump this. Just want folks to know who i am when i post. Thanks, sorry

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 7:04am

Hi Jen and welcome aboard,


You've found the perfect place to vent, laugh and cry whenever you need to... there is always an ear or shoulder to lean on and you won't be judged for your actions.


As long as you are happy and can live with yourself... I say go for it! and enjoy what you do have... I can see though how at times you may get lonely... and yep! this is the perfect place to help you through.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My