Can people tell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Can people tell?
4
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 9:43am
This morning I had an incident with the one person who knows about MM. Well, she doesn't know much of anything anymore, actually, since after I found this list I stopped talking about our R and, soon after, I told her we'd decided to stay just friends. Then, right before Christmas, I had a really rough day with MM and she saw me crying. I told her he was messing with my mind again but didn't make it sound affair-y at all. Since then I haven't mentioned him except conversationally, making it sound like we're back to just friends. HOWEVER, this girl is HIGHLY intuitive. When I very first started to tell her MM and I were having feelings for each other last summer, she finished the sentence for me. She said she'd seen it coming for a while but I couldn't figure out how, since *I* didn't even see it coming. I'd specifically told her I didn't think he was attractive. (And I didn't, until he started looking at me THAT way.) She said she had been watching the two of us for a while and knew it was only a matter of time before he started coming after me. So anyway, here he comes this morning and we're all three making conversation about silly stuff, but I just felt SO self-conscious. He and I have to talk to each other in front of people all the time and usually I do really well, but not this time. He seemed to be making an extra effort not to look at me and I kept glancing over at him and I know she noticed. Plus I kept saying things that made me sound pretty familiar with him. She knows we're friends, but I just kept thinking after I'd say something, "Maybe that didn't come out the way it should have..." She didn't say anything but I feel like she just KNOWS something's still going on. I fear what it looked like to her was that I had feelings for him but he didn't have feelings for me... (Although the fact that he was there in the first place goes against that -- he NEVER comes to that area at that time of morning, but all of a sudden today he decided to, and he was looking around for me when he got there.) Should I just avoid talking about him for a while, not even bring his name up???
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: lilah_iv
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:48am

Lilah, I think you can tell if you wear your A on the sleeve. If you are the type to hide it well nobody can tell. Also if you get paranoid about it - people can probably sense you uneasiness and figure it out - esp if MM/OM works in the same place as you.


Another piece of unasked advice - however close you may be to this friend don't tell her anything. Its better to keep it yourself. Too many "close" friends have messed up each other on this matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: lilah_iv
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:53am
Wow! I have to second that one... keep your confiding to this forum. Even good friends can inadvertently cause problems. Let it be a delicious secret between the two of you


Oh -- and all of us, of course (smile)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: lilah_iv
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:57am

hi lilah, you know, an observant person can figure out a lot by watching people interact.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
In reply to: lilah_iv
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 12:33pm
If we don't go to each other's offices, how will we ever see each other? MM is a very popular guy -- he has people in his office all day long. I've been visiting his office for nearly a year now on a pretty much daily basis, so if I stopped now it would look even more suspicious. The rumors about us circulated last summer, when I'd first started visiting him regularly. At that time I worked in an entirely different area and no one really knew me. Since that time a lot of them have gotten to know me and, while some of them still have their suspicions, since we're not doing anything but talking, I think they've gotten bored with us and moved on to someone else! As far as meaningful looks...that's MM, and he only does it for a little while. This time it lasted a couple of weeks and now he's over it, I guess. I find it very risky in public, but I think he gets a kick out of doing it behind someone's back or whatever. When we're in his office I'm real careful what I talk about because we're basically being overheard the whole time. Sometimes he's quiet for a few seconds, looking at me, and I'll quickly rush to say something. And Friday he gave me a hug (because I was complaining that he'd given a couple of female co-workers hugs that morning and I didn't get one) and I was very conscientious that others could hear that we'd been quiet and...I don't know, maybe heard the rustling of clothes? As for professionalism, MM is not professional at all. He's kinda known for it -- it's almost a joke. He's a kiss-up and everyone loves him, but he basically plays all day and gets away with it because of his charm. The truth is, if MM and I were having a full-blown A, I'd be worried what they all think but we really have nothing to hide. I don't want my best friend to know about it, though (she doesn't work with me, just comes to my building sometimes). And, yeah, I do wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm going to have to work on that, big-time!!!