Can we do a MASer's update?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Can we do a MASer's update?
31
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 11:15pm

Hi all,


Would it be ok Lexi to ask evryone to add a summary of their story? I get soooo confused :)


Ok me:


Im a MW, A with MW for nearly 18mths. Fantastically hot and heavy in the first few months with lots of 'I Love You's and 'We were meant to be together'. In Nov and Feb the guilt ot to him and he ended it. But both times we got back together within a few days.


We have now 'agreed' (me reluctantly) to have a lesser version of what we had. No more talk of emotion or futures. I am ok with this as we are both cake-eaters at heart and have no future ahead of us. My head is ok with this as he is an ego-mad workaholic which has driven his current partner and previous wife nuts.


I feel frustrated and stressed by this A now, because I feel like its just not as fun and attentive as it used to be. Having said that he initiates a lot of contact and calls. But the contact is short and friendly, and he is always sooooo busy and important.


I do believe he has feelings for me (he even said it last week which was a shock) but Im torn between ending it and just letting it die off. OPtion 1 would wound his enormous ego and may mean we will never even be friends long term (Im a people pleaser and would feel bad about this option), Option 2 may send me insane while I continually wait for contact and analyse what his text meant etc.


Added to this, my H of 20 yrs (after many years of MC and long talks) has finally 'gotten it'. Over the past few months he has been trying harder in our M than ever before. He is once again the man I married! Now I feel tremendous guilt and I can see that the purpose of this A was to make me see how wonderful my H truly is (faults for sure- but a loving and supportive man).

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 4:19pm

Hi all. Mine will be more like introduction than update. I ve been reading on this board for a long, long time and this is the first time I have gathered enough courage to post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:05pm

Hi there and congratulations on your first post! :-)

I used to feel my EA was somehow not a valid A because the connection didn't seem to stand up alongside the experiences of people who had experienced their AP's in the flesh, so to speak. A weird feeling and I remember a very long time ago debating the very real experience and deep connection of an EA could exsist with a male poster here. My AP and I have never more than hugged each other in a physical sense but we have done everything else over the years and in my head it is a very sexual R. I know him in a sexual way and he knows me.

The feeling has gone now and I no longer feel the weird 'its only an EA' stuff. Sometimes I've wished it was only sex stuff! It would be easier to deal with! Lol

Glad you posted :-) stick around and give us your perspectives.

Bird

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:09pm
hisalicat...Just wanted to welcome you to MAS. Your "here's hoping for some new friends" just touched me :) This board is a life-saver....I know I'd have LOST MY MIND without the guys/gals here helping me gain some perspective...hope you stick around!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:18pm

It is good to see some new faces and hear

LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:18pm

"I used to feel my EA was somehow not a valid A because the connection didn't seem to stand up alongside the experiences of people who had experienced their AP's in flesh, so to speak"


"Sometimes I've wished it was only sex stuff! It would be easier to deal with"


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 6:02pm

MW in an A w/ a MM. Me M nearly 20 yrs., him 16. Almost grown kids on both sides.


Saw each other across a LARGE room 2 yrs ago...noticed each other but didn't meet. One yr. later we met on business and while we don't work together had work that caused us to be together a few hours every wk for a couple of months. E-mails started going back/forth that becam increasingly personal. We both knew there was

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 9:04pm

You guys all rock. MAS has literally saved me from going nuts. So hard to do this A stuff without having any idea whats normal, whats reasonable or have anyone to talk to.


Thank you all xxx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 11:38pm
I am a SW (was MW when I met AP, but was already starting the process of ending M before I even thought of the idea
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 1:08am

Let's see: MW (sort of!) in an LDA (sort of!) with a MM for the last eight months (sort of).

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 1:43am

I MW for 20 years, AP is MM for 25 years. I have one DS, and his sons are both grown. AP lives many hundreds of miles away.
I met AP 10 years ago on a summer trip I took with a girlfriend. Neither of us was looking for an A at the time that we met. We emailed back and forth, one thing led to another, and that was the beginning of our A.
AP and I only see each other about once a year, this year I've been lucky as I've seen him 2 times.
When we see each other is usually me flying to his city on business, but that is only once a year, as I said.
Because our encounters are so few and far between, every time we see each other feels like the first time. It is wonderful!

As I've said on other posts neither of us is looking to leave our spouses, mainly we see each other for the thrill, variety and spice, it brings to our lives. I know I have feelings for him, although I would not call them love yet. I believe the feeling of love has not developed because AP is very cautious and every time that we seem to be getting closer he backs away...pulls away,
as if he does not want to lose control of the situation by allowing feelings to get into the mix. He is very goal oriented, and since "loving another woman" is not in his goals, I know he won't allow himself to go there.

I know he cares for me, and enjoys the times we have together. Just thinking about him makes shiver