Can this work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Can this work?
4
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 8:37pm

Hi everyone I guess what i'm looking for is some advice/opinions


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 9:48pm

The way I see this is that this is just a FWB situation. I'm afraid you're putting too much emo into it but I don't think he feels the same way.

>>>"He ended things for varioius reasons and we ended up hurting each other very badly."<<<

The important word in this statement is that "he" was the one who ended it. If he didn't, the A would have still gone on. When a man is "in-love", he will not end it.

>>>"A few years later I decided to contact him via email, at first he wanted no part of it, but eventually he warmed up to me and we began to talk to each other regularly"<<<

The important word in this statement is that "YOU" contacted and coax him into conversing with you again. If you didn't, he wouldn't have. A man "in-love" doesn't need coaxing.

>>>"He and I are very very close, we are very in love and have professed our love to each other, we want to be able to get together whenever we can"<<<

Be careful you're not projecting onto him what you and only you are feeling.

>>>"do you think its possible to make this work? "<<<

It may work if you keep your expectations low and just accept this as a FWB situation when he's in town, otherwise, you'll be setting yourself up for heartbreak.

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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2009
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 10:24pm
Goddess, are you saying that because a man wants to preserve his marriage that he can't love another woman? If so, I disagree completely. I personally am in love with my AP, but at this time in my life I try my hardest to limit contact and squelch my emotions until my children are older. I could totally understand a situation where marriage trumps love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 11:14pm

Ok let me clear a few things up, he ended things because they were getting way out of control, our careers and family lives were being compromised in a big way. As far as the contact goes, he was scared when I contacted him because he didn't know if he could trust me because of some events that took place when our affair ended. Once he realized I was not going to hurt him and vice versa we felt comfortable talking to each other again, he wasn't sure If i was his wife setting a trap all sorts of things.


This time around he was the one who initiated contact with me, and he was the one who told me first that he was still in love with me. I didn't say anything about my feelings toward him until after he told me how he still felt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 11:18pm

Sorry, but I don't buy that. If you're being honest with yourself you know it's just an excuse. Believe me, I was exactly where you're at before, and when the kids got older? I came up with different excuses.

But, since this is not a debate board. Hey, whatever works for you is good. It's when someone lead someone on when they have no intention of leaving, is when it gets "touchy" for me.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com