Can you be addicted to the A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Can you be addicted to the A?
12
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:48am
I am just curious if you can be addicted to an A? I sometimes feel as though I am addicted to it and I am just curious if anyone else feels this way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:51am
It's funny you say that....

MM and I have always said from the beginning (even when we were only all talk) that we were addicted to this. The feelings, the excitement, etc. We can't get enough of each other.

I totally understand where you are coming from on this one. At least I know I'm not alone. Thanks!! : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:56am
I think it's completely possible to be addicted to the drama and emotional buzz of an A.

I think PhillyGirl posted something a few weeks ago about the brain's reaction to an A and the release of chemicals that do create a sort of high. As with any high, it becomes addicting.

I fall into the category of believing such a thing happens, but that you can transform that to a real relationship if you have the right common ground. It seems to be working for me and OW.

I will say though that about six years ago before I got M, I was dating my stbW and a woman at work started chasing me. I did give in, and the high was very good. Then I'd avoid her a little, we'd tease each other at work, and every week or two we'd slip off one evening to play... it was *very* addicting, but only if I had some time between sessions. She was never anyone I'd have a relationship with, but there was definitely a buzz to our interaction we both got addicted to.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:12am
absolutely!!! I am totally addicted.....I always feel that way. I hear that's normal when in this type of situation, though. I sort of feel like I have no control over my feeling and emotions whe it comes to him. Part of me feels exhilerated and another part is always stressed out and depressed. It seems like there is not much in between. I guess that's what they call an emotional roller coaster.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:26am
Yes it is!
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:30am
I am glad to hear that I am not alone in the way I feel. Thanks for your reply.

Kristin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 8:56pm
I'm with you. A real rollercoaster but worth every moment. The wonderful times more than make up for the sad lonely ones. My OM says we are joined at the hip. Can't see each other or talk to each enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:07pm
You know I never really thought about it, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was. Thinking about ending it just gives me this sinking feeling in my stomach, thinking that it would be gone forever, you know?

But my MM, once, did mention it. We were at work, weren't even talking about anything to do with our affair, I was filing something and he was on his computer, and he offered me an Altoid. He is ALWAYS eating those, and he always offers me one, but I generally turn him down. He offered, this one day, and I was like, "What, are you addicted to those things?" So of course he gives me his traditional infuriating response that isn't even an answer, and says "You don't like addictions?" So I said, "I guess it depends on what you're addicted to."

And he didn't even look up from his computer, but I heard him say, "You." I kind of spun my head around and stared at him, and he was kind of looking sideways at me with a little grin on his face. lol, I was probably blushing like you wouldn't believe, but... it's definitely there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:49pm
I think that the addiction is probably to the excitement and forbidden nature of the affair. We always want what we can't or shouldn't have, and an affair is a great example of that. Some people are never able to be in monogamous relationships because they need that excitement.

(I was involved with a sex addict once. I slowly found out about all the affairs and the women and even young girls, and I was horrified. It became like a spider web, the extent of his affairs. His therapist diagnosed it, and he was addicted to sex, but he was also incapable of maintaining a relationship with only one person.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 11:19pm
I can tell you that for me the answer is Yes! I have been involved in an A for about 3 years now off and on...mostly because anytime I see OM, i turn to butter and have no sense. Everything is yes, yes, yes.

Actually, right now, I need a hit. Sad, but true. I just don't know how to end it...I'm addicted to my OM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:47am
Boy, can I relate. After more than 5 years with no end in sight because we can't seem to pull away from each other. MM and I go through periods of extreme guilt, then break up, which generally only lasts about a day. I keep asking myself where this is going, and how it will all end. Even though I can envision total ruin of both of our lives, I can't seem to give him up. It makes me wonder if we aren't meant to be together...does anyone believe in fate?

Virgogirl

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