Can't be friends...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Can't be friends...
10
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:50am

I had an interesting chat with AP this morning. He said he knows what we have isn't going to be forever, our time together will end some day and feels this chapter in our lives will come to an end soon. He said whether its him, me or a mutual decision he knows us being apart will hurt him but its inevitable. He said we can't be friends because he just can't handle the emotions and he's absolutely right. When our end will be I don't know yet...Its just a matter of time...


We can't even be friends which saddens me because when this

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 12:02pm

Rayne -


Oh, how I understand where you are right now! It's so hard. My AP is my best friend and we are trying to end it but we are at the point now where we don't know if we can. I told him I don't know how to JUST be friends. Now that I know what can be, what we feel for each other, everything... I can't just go back to the way it was before. He agrees, but I think feels like we are just going to have to torture ourselves and that it may never really 'end'. Don't know where to go from here or what it all means. I see him every day since we work together, and sit right next to eachother. Everyone at the office is aware of our friendship, we've been inseperable for the past few yrs and teased about each other being our work husband/work wife... so yeah. If it just stops, people will wonder. Who knows what to do! I broke down last night talking to him in the parking lot in front of the office. I just don't know how to do this.


Wish we never went there. But we did. So now what? :) Thinking of you Rayne and if you come up with a great solution, let me know!!


:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 12:24pm

My AP & I work for the same company and if I really want to I can avoid seeing him but you know there will be that once in a blue where we will cross paths but it can be done and it won't be impossible. If that does happen I just have to keep it movin' and act as if he and I never happened. Easier said then done but that's something I'm going to have to master in order to get over him.


I'm sure its difficult for you since you both are so close & sit next to each other at work. But when theres a will theres always a way (we know this all to well). Its the ending it and following through that gets me. Its like an alcoholic, you stop drinking but still see that shot of liquor every once in a while. You reminisce and think of how good it was but how bad it is for you. We have to learn and work on over coming that.


I'm working on a solution and when I do, you will most definitely be put on. Hugs to you Figuring for I know how much you & I need it.


 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 1:06pm

Hi Rayne,


I know how you feel but not to the same extent. I do not work with my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 2:30pm

Hi Soulshine,


Yes how do you stay friends with someone that effects you in so many ways? Both positive & negative.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 3:04pm

Its such a hard decision because there was a friendship there and thats hard to lose. I am trying to follow through also but it is hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 3:15pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 4:44pm

Sounds like you are changing, rayne. Your other posts have always sounded heartfelt but also like you felt like you had no control at all over your emotions.

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 4:58pm
Rayne and everyone else,
I am currently going through this pain. AP and I had a very good friendship that I desperately do not want to come to an end. We, too, have that chemistry thing - hard to deny it is there. I had been NC until last night...yes, I, too, work with AP and saw him as we were leaving the music studio where we teach lessons. My
problem is, I can't bring myself to be mean to him. I have a hard time letting go of
friends. This friendship is unlike any I have ever had. He really
wanted to talk to me - he apologized for being rude to me in the past. I know he
is trying very hard to get me back in his life. He even asked me to stop by his
apt sometime soon. Ha. Well, I have continued to do the NC thing today, and as tempting as it is to
take him up on that offer, I have decided that these little conversations we have (and may continue to
have since we work together) are petty and I can make the choice what I do with it. No texting him, no emailing,
no calling. I really wish I didn't have to teach there so I wouldn't have those opportunities to even run into
him, but financially I cannot afford to not work there.
I have decided, that part of my healing with my R with H is to write him love letters on a regular basis...I brought this up with H in a casual way and he likes the idea! He has no clue that this is crucial in helping me through the grief of losing my AP. I will let you all know how it goes! H and I were high school sweethearts, we met when I was 15 and he was 14...never went to the same school. For college, he was in CA and I was in NE. This
was before the age of email or texting. He wrote me a letter EVERY day. I have shoeboxes full of letters from him!! So, in talking about this letter writing thing, we agreed the letters have to be hand-written...we will try
to fill a shoebox!
I have much to be thankful for. It is time for me to start concentrating on the positives in my M and treasure the gift that my H has been to me over the 17 years we have been married!
Thank you, thank you ALL for your continued support. Rayne, I'll be there for you, sweetie!! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 5:17pm

Hi rayne,


I've been keeping up with your posts, and I have to tell you that the pain you've expressed has made me feel so sad for you.


I totally agree with you about not being friends....there is no way in hell that I can remain friends with my AP when/if we end this. It's going to have to be, as you say, all or nothing. Knowing that practically kills me. This man has become so important to me. He knows things about me that nobody else knows, and he knows how to read me very well. The chemistry we have is absolutely out of this world, and there's no way I could be around him and not want to be with him.


I sometimes wish that I could have just had this A with no one the wiser, then when it ended I could have still had a husband and a job to immerse myself in. How selfish is that?


I wish you much peace and serenity, and I hope that you make it through all of this intact...and that you will be happy again.


benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:47pm

Rayne, I know exactly how you feel. You feel that the pain of ending is imminent and inevitable, you know you will heal after the pain, but you just cant bring yourself to do it.


God I know how you feel!!!!


Im here for you xxx

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