Can't get any harder than this: A+ LDR

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
Can't get any harder than this: A+ LDR
6
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 7:12am
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 12:09pm

Welcome to MAS apofap!

Yours is a unique A for sure. I don't think you need any "advice" at this point, it sounds like you just want to come here and share with others who will not judge you! Hope to hear more from you. I also think you'll be able to give support here. So welcome!

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 5:32pm

Welcome,

Just wanted to say Hi, b/c I also am in an 8yr long LDA. Although both AP and I live in the U.S. its opposite ends of the country. We only see each other bout twice a year. So I can sympathize the frustration of distance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 12:46am

Thanks for the reply lexione. My story does read like everything’s fine and dandy, but there is much MUCH more going on. I struggle every single day, am actually feeling very low right now.
Kpbaby80, aside from the distance, for him to visit me, he’d have to get a visa. He’d also have to apply for leave, which will go thru so many departments and go all the way to the top before any chance of approval (IF he can get approval in the first place). And what excuse to come here will he tell his office, more so his wife/family?

Over the weekend, my family and I attended a picnic with friends (from the country where we are originally from). I must point out that the guys in the group are ALL acquaintances of both AP and H, as they work in the same organization (small world, huh?). The hostess got to talking with me and some of the other wives telling us “news” of yet another mutual friend back home whose husband left her for another. You can only imagine the comments that everyone had, and how much I wanted to get up and leave.
It is quite obvious now that H, AP and I have a HUGE number of common friends and acquaintances. Coming from a country with a fairly conservative culture and where there is no divorce, only legal separation (which is only under extreme circumstances too), this always brings the question: how can we ever be together, no matter how often he promises that we will be?
He has a fairly high position in their org and is the head of a charitable org that he has put up. He and his family are well-respected/active members of their church too. What would news of an A do to his family? His reputation?? His profession???
Should I be the “bigger person” and stop this A? Tell him to forget me and then stop all contact with him?? I struggle EVERY single day – am emotionally drained at the end of the day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 7:31am
That does sound awfully complicated.

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 11:42pm
I was just in one of my lowest points when I posted my story - I tend to over-analyse most anything that comes to mind. I should have put my story in “Let me Vent” coz I just realised that is what I did.
As you suggested, I do enjoy the few times we do get together – we cherish every moment. Our A brings us both so much happiness, although it brings much pain too, but AP and I know that the love we share will always more than compensate our pain.
I am so glad to have found this forum, where I can relate to others’ situations, and learn from people like neverx2001, another5 and several others whose A’s have lasted several years and still going strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 1:45am

wow! you do have quite the story.


does he make you feel wonderful and sexxy again? i hope so. enjoy it when u can.


we each have a different life path, and no one can judge another --ever. i had a friend who worked for a religious organization and she reviewed annulments. the stories she had were unbelievable. wholesome, upscale area couples married forever, with one engaged in A's for 25 yrs, 7 yrs, 15 yrs, etc...

when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal