Can't say goodbye

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Can't say goodbye
6
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 4:35pm

I have read the posts on here before I decided to post. I suppose that I am scared and ashamed.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 5:15pm

Oneday,


Glad you posted. I am sorry you are felling this way. I think that you are in a vunerable state right now. Your M is ending. I am at the end of that process and it is a long hard road. I know you say you cannot say goodbye right now, but what about just taking a break. Sure it will hurt, but I think you need some time to grieve over your M and find out who you are by yourself. Then you can see if he is what you want and it will give him time to figure out if he really is willing to leave his W. Oh and you want him to see you are different than other women. Honey that statement makes me mad!!! :) He needs to see you for YOU, who you are as a person. Don't try to be someone you are not in your earnest attempts to show him you are not his W. I hope you do not

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 6:36pm

Hi and welcome.

Try to take this all one step at a time. I too have separated from my H just for me, not for anyone else. I know how it feels to be alone in your bed. You didn't say why you left your H, but it's a difficult thing to do even when circumstances were unbearable.

I too have a MM in my life. He is struggling with an illness right now and it seems to amplify the fact that I can't be there for him like I would if he weren't M. I too cry after talking with him, because I can hear the pain and loneliness in his voice. He is trying to battle this and he's not getting much backup on the home front. He too had plans to leave his W when this hit, and however it plays out, I'll just have to wait.

In the meantime, you and I are both dealing with finding ourselves outside a M. Even if we are the ones that wanted to go, there are times when it all sneaks up and gets us into a funk, wondering how it all fits.

Just hang in there, don't put too much stock in him leaving, you have no guarantees at this point. Even if he did, it may drag out for a long time, sometimes MM go back to their W's even after telling about the A and moving out. It will take time no matter how it ends up.

Keep reading here, and vent, ask, whatever, and no, we won't call you any names. Take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 10:04pm

Hey,


I know what your going through. I am seperated, going through nasty D. I left 6 months ago. It has been rough. I left because I had to. If I stayed any longer, I'd be broke and dead. Now I am just broke! My H was abusive, emotionally and physically. We were seperated 7 years ago, he put me in the hospital. PFA, removed from the house, all the good crap. My kids were small ages 4, 6, 10. I broke down and gave in when the begging, forgiving, I'll never do it again, take me back, etc. etc. etc.


Move ahead 7 years, owned a trucking business, downsized for him, did everything possible to keep him happy. Emotional abuse started 1 month after returning, physical abuse not as much, but still there. He was afraid of getting arrested. Worked round the clock to avoid him. He insisted I pay all the bills. Kept me broke, had no freedom except for work. Had a friend/coworker that helped through the rough days, covered for me when I was late, or trying to nap. Found me work to keep me out of the house. Turned in to A. He was or still is in a bad marriage ?? Very little physical contact. More emotional support. Left my H because I had to. Kids are older, I left for me and my kids, oldest with me, others with him. Hardest thing to do, but they didn't need to see anymore fighting. My AP helped, gave me support, but told me to make my own decision. He was there to help. Had no money, left everything, AP lent me money for a lawyer. Found me a lawyer. Pre-nup, he gets evrything 15 years of busting my hump for nothing. I am happier, I can sleep at night. It's not over yet.


Realized after I left, I had no friends, co-workers only. I can talk to my family again. I still have very little money, but it's my bills getting paid, not his. He wanted back the first time because he thought he was losing his precious money. He's got his million dollar life. I got 20 dollars in my pocket. I am HAPPY!!


My AP started a new job 3 weeks ago. He still calls, but have not seen him in a month. He backed way off. Talks about fighting and arguing with W. No mention of leaving anymore, just that he's not happy. Doesn't ask much about my situation anymore. Says he has a lot on his mind, (here's a classic) it's not

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 11:02pm

Thank you so much for the message back you have no idea how much it means to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 11:19pm

wow.....you are a strong cookie that is for sure.


I once as in a abusive relationship years ago...before the husband. It was freaking horrible. I met my husband through friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 11:23pm

No you are not to harsh I apprecaite the advice and support.


I will keep posting here.....this is exactly what I need. Other women that are and/or in the same spot that I am