cant stop lovin him
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cant stop lovin him
| Tue, 08-26-2008 - 11:04pm |
i have been having a EA for over a year now with a married man and i too am married... i have never had such an attraction to another man in 14yrs of marriage..he has been married 19 years...his wife treats him like crap, -name calling, put downs, you name it...total bitch...she has no problem humiliating him in public, either.....his wife has accused us of something going on, 3 different times now, and yet he wont tell me that our friendship is over...just when i think i was able to start forgetting him he sends me a pic of himself...he is one of the most kindest people i have ever met who has helped me change myself for the better as far as feeling like a more competent and and self confident woman.... he always says he's glad to help....we have never gotten physical with each other than give a hug hello or goodby in front of our friends....he knows i'm madly in love with him and has done nothing to discourage me from feeling that way...
my husband on the other hand , is emotionally abusive, and controlling..we have two kids together, and i have 2 from previous relationships....he has no interest in what my dreams are, yet my EAP has nothing but encouragement for me as far as my hopes and dreams go...we used to email each other quite a bit till his wife got pissed off about it...like 300 emails he sent me within a 3mo period....now he admitted to me that he is sneaking around behind her back to talk to me.....and he says he feels no guilt about it either.....my hubby knows i talk to this man, but he doesnt know about the EA that has been going on....maybe he does, i dunno...he hardly talks to me...unless it has something to do with him..very self centered person,imo.....i dont know what to think and i dont know how to stop this feeling of being madly in love with him either.....recently i told him if i was a thief, i'd steal a kiss... he didn't discourage me from saying something like that either.....he just chuckled about the comment....no real reply and no comment back such as..."you know we can't do that" or something along those lines.....whats with a guy that behaves like that? or me for loving someone who is making me feel like he is playing games with me? and the worst is i feel like i dont wanna stop cuz just being around this guy makes me feel so happy...like on top of the world....it would be next to impossible to cut off all contact as we are socially in a network of musicians.
my husband on the other hand , is emotionally abusive, and controlling..we have two kids together, and i have 2 from previous relationships....he has no interest in what my dreams are, yet my EAP has nothing but encouragement for me as far as my hopes and dreams go...we used to email each other quite a bit till his wife got pissed off about it...like 300 emails he sent me within a 3mo period....now he admitted to me that he is sneaking around behind her back to talk to me.....and he says he feels no guilt about it either.....my hubby knows i talk to this man, but he doesnt know about the EA that has been going on....maybe he does, i dunno...he hardly talks to me...unless it has something to do with him..very self centered person,imo.....i dont know what to think and i dont know how to stop this feeling of being madly in love with him either.....recently i told him if i was a thief, i'd steal a kiss... he didn't discourage me from saying something like that either.....he just chuckled about the comment....no real reply and no comment back such as..."you know we can't do that" or something along those lines.....whats with a guy that behaves like that? or me for loving someone who is making me feel like he is playing games with me? and the worst is i feel like i dont wanna stop cuz just being around this guy makes me feel so happy...like on top of the world....it would be next to impossible to cut off all contact as we are socially in a network of musicians.

Hi Ems -
Welcome to the board.
First - I have to say - you really need to be careful in the name calling and the things you say about his W.
Let me say that i am in the process of separating from my hubby because it is whats best for me and my kids, not because of i want to be with my EAP....EAP has helped me realize i am worth SO much more than that and i deserve to be happy...whether its with him later on, i have no idea.....i do know i am doing whats best for me and my kids at the moment as far as my marriage is concerned. We have tried counseling 3 different times and every time hubby thought the counselor was biased against him....he never stuck with it... and then tried to prevent ME from going.....me and my EAP share a lot of the same emotional challenges from our spouses and i think we've become a crutch for each other too....and all our friends have witnessed EAP's wife's not nice treatment of him in public, so its not just his opinion...we all have the same opinion about her. We all know her too...and really dont like to be around her...thats prolly why she doesn't come out too much with him when he's with us.....i never go out alone with my EAP, thats just too dangerous as we are kind of well known in this state....and our freinds know me and him are good friends too, and no one has ever suspected us of having an affair.... and yeah, i do think going toward a PA with him would change everything... people keep telling me that...i can't really even imagine doing something like that altho i like to fantasize about it. And i think giving him a kiss would just lead to me wanting another,,...then another...then i'll want to go further down the road....maybe him too...i dunno....i have an awfully hard time telling him my real feelings for him...or anyone for that matter, not just him. he's is helping me get over that too.....i feel like he's taught me about what i DON'T want in a marriage.... and to take a good look at myself as a person who deserves to be happy.
but that still doesnt answer my question of why he has continued to remain emotionally connected to me even after his wife accused him of stuff...i think he should have told me that he is committed to his marriage and we cant be friends anymore cuz it upsets his wife...would'nt a man in a marriage that he wants to work tell me that? Or do they all like playing games? Ive never been in this position before and dont know what to think or do....