You're describing my AP perfectly. In an A with me, but Catholic guilt has him tied in knots. We're both separated, him very recently, but it still hasn't changed things. It's OK for him to do everything (including spending nights) with me with the exception of IC. Nothing else is a problem and according to him its not an A. I have said more than once if he thought it was OK, ask his W and he admits she would be very upset. We have an incredibly strong emotional connection, and have done since we met and he's the first to admit this. According to him it's about the vow he made to himself, his family and God, not about his M or even his W.
Just last week, after he saw his kids, he told me the guilt was overwhelming him and he asked to be just friends for a few weeks while he got his head straight. I reluctantly agreed, but only until after Christmas. We went out as friends at the start of the week. We held hands and stared into each others eyes the whole night and kissed goodnight passionately and certainly not like 'just friends'. Two days later, I meet him again and he says he can't do it, friends isn't enough, he wants me too much for that and now we are back to where we were before, where ever that is. I've told him I will wait a while for him to sort this out, but not forever and that even though I love him I will have to walk away eventually if he cannot align himself.
I'm not a lot of help, but I do know what you're going through. It's enough to drive you crazy. As if an A isn't complicated enough already.
Ok...first of all, no, having an affair with someone is NOT considered less worse than a divorce. If you are truly living a Catholic life (or many other religions, for that matter), you would not be participating in an affair. Personally, it sounds to me like he's only Catholic in theory, not practice. Thus the whole divorce thing. Oh, I'm sure it has something to do with why he wouldn't divorce. But I am also equally as sure that there are many other reasons he wouldn't divorce i.e. finances, kids, still loves her.
You say that you it hasn't progressed to a physical affair yet. If you care at all for your own happiness, peace of mind, dignity, etc., you will not let it get to that point. Especially considering that you are single. Read these boards. Read the posts over on MAS and others. They all paint a picture of what an affair is really like.
It's not too late for you to wake up and end this thing.
You're describing my AP perfectly. In an A with me, but Catholic guilt has him tied in knots. We're both separated, him very recently, but it still hasn't changed things. It's OK for him to do everything (including spending nights) with me with the exception of IC. Nothing else is a problem and according to him its not an A. I have said more than once if he thought it was OK, ask his W and he admits she would be very upset. We have an incredibly strong emotional connection, and have done since we met and he's the first to admit this. According to him it's about the vow he made to himself, his family and God, not about his M or even his W.
Just last week, after he saw his kids, he told me the guilt was overwhelming him and he asked to be just friends for a few weeks while he got his head straight. I reluctantly agreed, but only until after Christmas. We went out as friends at the start of the week. We held hands and stared into each others eyes the whole night and kissed goodnight passionately and certainly not like 'just friends'. Two days later, I meet him again and he says he can't do it, friends isn't enough, he wants me too much for that and now we are back to where we were before, where ever that is. I've told him I will wait a while for him to sort this out, but not forever and that even though I love him I will have to walk away eventually if he cannot align himself.
I'm not a lot of help, but I do know what you're going through. It's enough to drive you crazy. As if an A isn't complicated enough already.
Pisces
Thanks Pisces..nice to know I'm not going crazy alone!
I was born and raised Catholic (no longer a practicing Catholic) so hopefully I can shed some light on this.
These guys who are claiming "Catholic guilt" are just using their religion to justify what they're doing or not doing.
Let me tell you ladies, it's not just AP's who are Catholic that suffer from the "good boy/bad boy" syndrome.
Hi Kitkat,
I am definitely not religious and can't answer anything about Catholicism.
One, Carried, AWE,
Thank you all for your insight, comments and opinions.
The Catholic church considers their teaching and the eyes if God as one in the same.
One,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
Ok...first of all, no, having an affair with someone is NOT considered less worse than a divorce. If you are truly living a Catholic life (or many other religions, for that matter), you would not be participating in an affair. Personally, it sounds to me like he's only Catholic in theory, not practice. Thus the whole divorce thing. Oh, I'm sure it has something to do with why he wouldn't divorce. But I am also equally as sure that there are many other reasons he wouldn't divorce i.e. finances, kids, still loves her.
You say that you it hasn't progressed to a physical affair yet. If you care at all for your own happiness, peace of mind, dignity, etc., you will not let it get to that point. Especially considering that you are single. Read these boards. Read the posts over on MAS and others. They all paint a picture of what an affair is really like.
It's not too late for you to wake up and end this thing.