Caught Red Handed....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Caught Red Handed....
3
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:09pm
Yup, it happened. I think I kind of knew that eventually we'd get caught....neither of us have been careful in hiding this because we were both so unhappy in our R's that we really didn't care. It really doesn't matter all that much because he was leaving her anyway (and she knows that) and I have left my H. The only reason we were continuing to hide our R was because we were all friends. We eventually were going to let it out but since our kids are in school together and his W babysits for my H all of the time we decided to continue to hide it. Well, yesterday we met for lunch at the same place we always do and apparently she drove by and saw my car. She came storming in and made a scene (not because he was "cheating" since they are split up but because it was ME). He and I were sitting very close and my leg was on his so we couldn't pass it off as innocent! She ranted and raved about me destroying my own family AND hers. What I was thinking was why am I the homewrecker? Doesn't it take two?! Why is the woman ALWAYS the one to get the blame when the man is just as guilty? Anyway, we pretty much laughed at her and she stormed out. Unfortunately, he still lives with her! Oh, and of course she called my stbx H immediately so I had to get the phone calls all night from him! Well, at least now it is out in the open and we don't have to hide it anymore, right?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 2:20pm

hi karen and you're right, you don't have to hide the R any longer, but please be careful not to totally antagonize your stbxH and his W any further, because it will make the divorces sooo much harder and emotionally draining than they would usually be.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

Avatar for poohbear_ut
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 5:25pm
I have to totally agree with the CL here... we weren't necessarily caught, more or less he just finally told her, but it was hard for us, mostly because his family (his brothers and their wives) had already figured it out and new and to our advantage supported us. Unfortunately though we were all living under the same roof... I lived with them for a very short period of time due to financial restraints beyond my control.

However once he told her, not that she wasn't figuring it out by the questions she had been asking me, it was on.. the war had begun. We now live together, actually moved out together and they have filed for divorce. She still hates it all, not that he cheated on her, but mostly that we weren't up front and told her long before she found out. I guess in some ways I can understand in others.. I just reminded her that it wasn't my place to tell her that I was in love with her husband and that the feelings were mutual.

You are in a very egg shell kind of place right now. I can gaurantee that although neither of you were happy, you will get greif for the relationship. Be prepared for that, be prepared for alot of things that you just didn't think would happen. You will gain and lose support, be ready for the questions from your children and think truly about how they are going to feel for the first little while. You can count on there being some rough water ahead.. take it from someone who has BTDT!

I'm glad for you that it is out in the open, however, still be cautious maybe more so now than you were before and let some dust and anger settle. I'm sure now it's just a matter of time before the papers are filed and things are changing for the both of you.

Good luck,

Pooh

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 5:34pm
Although it is out in the open now we are still going to keep it from our children. He is most definitely NOT moving in with me. We are going to continue to be together but we are definitely going to feel the wrath of my H and his W. My family knew all along and they have always thought my husband was a controlling, jealous loser so they were extremely supportive. They actually like him a lot. It is his family that is another story. We are just going to take it slow, I guess. Baby steps now.....