Caught: What Now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Caught: What Now?
2
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:32am
My MM told me to check this place out. I am glad he did. Sally289 has my story. H just found out Sunday about my A and called me at work. I went home early to get things out. We are having rough days, Wednesday being the worst. I am wracked with guilt, torn and confused as to what I want. I am so compatible with MM and do not want to lose what we have. MM means a great deal to me, as a friend and a lover. H and I have grown apart, our marriage was okay, but very distant in recent years. I tried counseling for myself (I am bi-polar and on meds), and tried to let my H know how I was feeling and what my needs were, but things never changed. We have 4 children, so I feel an obligation to them and do not want them only part-time, but I am miserable in my marriage. To add to the confusion, I am friends with MM's W and love his children. I know, I want to have my cake and eat it too. But, I have never been so confused about what to do in all my life. Part of me wants to say, work it out with H, maybe this was his wake-up call, and part of me wants to use this as my out. The other thing is, I am still very good friends with MM, and do not want to end that, but of course, H will not have that, not that I can blame him. But I will be completely miserable not being MM's friend. Lousy Holidays are ahead. Thanks for letting me talk, I have no one else to go to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 9:59am
hi lady, i'm very sorry you're dealing with this right now, or even at all! but why on earth did you admit to the A? did your H have pictures or some hard evidence, or just confront you about it and you caved?

i don't know how old your children are, or what your financial situation is, but i did it. i got another part-time job until i could get a full-time, well-paying job, an apartment and a life without the drag of my moody, non-communicative, asexual H! and the kids and i did just fine. so you have to decide what YOU want - stay in a loveless M "for the children" or just get out and live your life!!

actually, you have all the power and control here. you get to decide which way your life will proceed from here. i know it's scary, but second-guessing yourself will never give you any peace.

good luck,

gurl




Edited 2/18/2004 12:26:00 PM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 10:48am
Lady, try and look at the situation without a man in your life. What do you need to make you happy. Will you ever be happy with H? If MM and you don't end up together will you regret the divorce? It's hard but you have to look at all sides. Leaving a M for an A can be a big mistake. But leaving a bad marriage because you just aren't happy can only be good in the long run.