Cause of Divorce??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Cause of Divorce??
7
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 4:26am

Food for thought... its late at night and been thinking out loud so here it goes:


So many people get divorced each year... the divorce rate is high nowadays! So then why are people getting divorced when married men don't leave their wives?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 8:19am

Lost, i also think about that and the lack of decent available men (with or without children). In my circle of friends, there are at least 5 SW with kids and we all left our Hs due to various reasons such as cheating,domestic violence,drugs and generally unhappy marriages. We all did the leaving and only one woman was the cheater and her H begged her to stay.

I think men like comfortable living. Comfortable as in the devil they know not the one they dont. If they could have an A without ever getting caught im certain more than half would take up the opportunity. Their main reasons for staying M would be kids, posessions and love their W-in that order. You know yourself that even when MM say they dont love their W or they have bad Rs, they STILL stay because the fear of the unknown is worse than what they already endure IMO. When you take DCs and their worldly posessions from a male, i think you take away their identity and what they have worked for growing up. If he has nothing, in his eyes, he IS nothing (spoken by my XH to me)

Good question though Lost. Interesting to see what others think.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 8:38am

I agree. I know my H doesn't want a D b/c he said it will make him look like he failed to friends and family. But he goes out of our marriage time after time. Soo its all about appearance to him. To me its about happiness. Why not just end the M and move on. Who cares what others think. A friend of mine works for an attorney and the amount of people that have an A in my city is a high number. I think half of my city is out screwing around. A lot of the people are professionals in the community that have a prominent reputation.


If he has nothing, in his eyes, he IS nothing (spoken by my XH to me)


I completely agree with that. My H has said similar things like that to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 11:25am

JMO, it's because they have a wife at home who cooks, cleans, does laundry, tends to the kids needs. Generally they love their wives cause they are caregivers and servers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 6:06pm

I have to echo the sentiments of many of the other posters so far.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2009
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 6:17pm

blue,
I just want to say thank you for your blunt words. I am currently battling between heart and mind over my long standing, on again, off again A with a MM. I am a MW. I was doing "really good" until recently, and have been battling to keep my feelings for him at bay so I don't become so caught up in him again. Your words make me regain some of my composure and is something I am going to repeat to myself every day that I struggle with how to let this emotional choke hold go.

thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 6:50pm

I'm glad it was helpful to you.


My view is probably skewed by the experiences I've had with men (one in particular). I understand when feelings are involved it is hard to make the right decisions... the

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 5:47am
Check out a thread on the divorce board and you will see how many men have asked for divorce because of another woman.The point to notice is that its the men asking for it.How they end up,who knows?But there are succeful stories of affairs turning into good marriages though the percenatge is very less.