Changed attitude - what a difference!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Changed attitude - what a difference!
6
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 11:18pm

I know that I have been a royal pain around here sometimes, and I'm really working on changing that.

I've had to admit to myself that I'm in love with my AP, and if I want to stay with him/be with him, I have to accept the limitations of the relationship. So to that end, I'm trying to look at it in a much more positive light. I have to be happy with what I have with him, which is a lot (and I will touch on it briefly) and accept that I can be happy in my alone time too. I can do all the things that I kind of let slide when I'm with him.

Life has become much better since I've accepted this, and AP/BF has certainly recognized this in me. I have been the recipient of some beautiful time spent with him over the last week. It started with dinner, which turned into an overnight and a lengthy morning to follow! I let him go with a smile and a kiss, and before bed I sent him xoox by text, and that was it. Well, he came over the very next morning, and we had another lovely time together. We've been almost inseparable ever since. He invited me to go away with him for the night last weekend, which turned into two nights....and then when we returned home, instead of dropping me off and leaving, he came upstairs and we spent a wonderful evening together. We even went out to the pub for a drink and then returned to my house, whereupon he spent another night over.

It was a great time away...he was very loving and giving, and very complimentary towards me. He told me that he wants me to go with him when he returns to our home province to do some work. I have no illusions that I'm going to meet anybody else in his family (anybody else being his sister and mother!) but it sure would be great to drive all that way with him.

On another note...I have continued to severely curtail my drinking (YAY) but have decided to discontinue taking the anti-depressants. There are two factors weighing in on this decision, and they are both fairly important to me. First off, I CANNOT believe the nightmares I've been having ever since I started taking them...and I'm not one to dream, or at least I don't remember dreaming. It's no ordinary dreaming either, as I mentioned...they are nightmares and are very disturbing to me. The second reason is the effect they are having on my love life. I literally "dried" right up, and although I felt as much desire for my AP as I always do, my body just would not respond. I justify it because being with AP in that way makes me incredibly happy, and those endorphins start flowing like nobody's business! I'd have to call that nature's anti-depressant :)

So, from now on I'm going to BE POSITIVE...it's working

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 11:35pm

If you are having nightmares

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 11:43pm
It's so wonderful to hear you in such a good place, benska:).

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 12:20am
Glad to see you are back and feeling better. We missed you. Glad to hear things are going well between you and your guy. Its always nice to hear about "success stories" on this board. They are few and far between.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 12:33am
I'm glad, too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 7:00am

I'm happy that I can read this positive note from you Benska. You do sound much better, and happier!

I'm a little worried about stopping the anti depressants cold turkey though. Did you talk to your doctor about it? If you talked to him/her, and are weaning yourself off with his direction, that's fine. But stopping cold turkey can actually cause suicidal behavior and other nasty side effects, so if you're doing it yourself, please give him/her a call and he'll tell you how to get off of them the right way. Also another medication without those side effects might be found. I think I know which one has the vivid nightmares - I've heard about that side effect from one of them.

But, I'm so happy that you're happy! :-)

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 10:33am

Thank Lex, thx everybody!

I am in a better place, thank god. As far as the medication goes, I was only on them for just under two weeks and am not having a problem since stopping them. The real bonus being that I am having decent night sleeps again.

I will go back to the doc and describe what was happening....what he had given me were free samples so hopefully he will have something different. Or, I might just bite the bullet and get a prescription.

I don't want to turn into the mess I was, heck no!

benska

P.S. the ones I was taking were called Cipralex 10mg.