Changes...
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| Tue, 02-24-2004 - 10:27am |
In the interim, my W and I have started counseling. I expected to go in there and hear how I was wrong to think we had problems and things weren't that bad. Imagine my surprise when the counselor tells me in a one on one session that my W and I are so different in our communication needs that we probably aren't a good match and it may not work. It was validating for me, but still scary to hear. My W still doesn't understand what the problem is and I'm having difficulties making her understand. I'm hoping with time and more counseling she'll see. Regardless, I am more convinced now than ever that my M will not work. All I'm trying to do at this point is make it to the birth of my baby and hopefully a month or two beyond. I think for my own sake and for my W's, we both need to move on at some point while we're still young.
Another development is I did start talking to the OW again. First online and then on the phone again. This all developed in the last couple of weeks. Our love is very real and I now know I at least hope to build something with her when my M is ended. Until then, obviously this will have to be an A again. I was able to plan a trip to see her over the weekend and we spent three perfect days together. She and I connect on every level and even though we probably won't be able to see one another for at least 6 months, we parted without too many tears. I gave her some things that are special to me and she gave me some that are special to her. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I know I love her and I'll walk through fire to get back to her if I have to.
I'm sure some of you are disappointed in me, but I feel better about myself than I ever have. I know now that my M has restricted me to the point I haven't been myself. Now I'm not holding back anymore. I plan to find my happiness, wherever it may lead. The most important thing to me is being a good father though and I love my kids more than anything. I'm hoping my W will agree to shared custody where we alternate weeks or days. I'm my son's primary caregiver and I anticipate being that for my next child also.
Anyway, I just thought I'd update and see what everyone thinks. I know I'm not perfect and I've made so many mistakes. But I don't view my relationship with the OW as one. In fact, I don't consider her an OW or the relationship and A. It is much more special than that. I hope everyone finds something so special. Isn't that what life is about?

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