Cheated while BF away; a pattern?
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Cheated while BF away; a pattern?
| Mon, 08-25-2003 - 3:48pm |
Hi all. I have a situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months; we've known each other for a year. I met him because he was friends with my exboyfriend of 4 years. I had an affair with him and broke up with my ex to be with him. We just moved in together and are happy. But we both have a hard time with trust because of the way we hooked up. I have been particularly insecure lately about his fidelity because all of his friends are single and can't stay in a relationship and he travels A LOT for work. Recently he took a trip for work and expressed worry that I would cheat on him while he was gone. I assured him this was ridiculous. I had no desire to cheat on him because I love him very much. Then I went out with a friend while he was gone and met a really attractive guy who was in town for a wedding. I told myself I was inviting him over to my friend's house because she thought he was cute but then she went into her bedroom and shut the door so I was left alone with him. I ended up sleeping with him. I was very drunk and felt terrible about it the next day--even while it was happening I kept saying how I shouldn't be doing it. I have no idea why I did it. I was very attracted to this guy but I was surprised at my lack of control. This was the first time I have been out on my own on the weekend without my boyfriend. I am very worried now that this may happen again. My boyfriend made it very clear that he would break up with me if I cheated so I can't tell him. I just want to figure out why I did it and what it means. Am I just flawed? I do have a history of cheating with my boyfriend's friends, usually. Was it that my boyfriend accused me of wanting to cheat so much? Is it because I am so worried that he would cheat on me while he was away that I did it first so that if I found out he did cheat I wouldn't be so hurt? I am really dissapointed in myself. Any advice?

I'm not sure that you will be able to find those answers you need on the board... but you will most definitely get some support to help get there.
It sounds as though both you and your b/f have a great deal of trust issues and these need to be resolved in order to make your relationship a success... maybe counselling could help you both sort through this and help you understand why you have them. While the way you got together could be a problem... there may be underlying issues that are there for both of you.
If you can work on this together... I feel that you at least need to understand why you seem to have this compulsive need to cheat on the ones you seem to love... and maybe you alone could benefit from counselling to help you do this.
Don't be afraid to seek help... it's best to do it now than before it really is too late.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My