Cheatin Hearts
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| Mon, 12-01-2003 - 11:45am |
About six months ago, I met this guy Dave. He was a friend of one of Jake's friends, and the minute I saw him, it was just like sparks flew. I thought he was very attractive, but more than that, I was attracted to his personality. One of the first fantasies I had about him wasn't even sexual, it was about having kids with him, which is strange because I've always said I never wanted to have kids!! Anyhow, Jake and I started hanging out with Dave and other friends of theirs quite a bit, and the more I got to know Dave, the more I liked him. Well, about two months ago (Columbus Day weekend) I had the day off but Jake had to work, as did most of our other friends. Dave didn't though, so I invited him to go hiking. I figured since we were just friends, it would be ok, even if I did have feelings for him. Well, we ended up going to a bar after hiking, and after having quite a few beers, Dave told me that he wished I weren't married because he thought I was "the one" for him, and that he'd had a huge crush on me since the first day we met. I told him the feeling was mutual, and we ended up making out. I felt very guilty, and told Jake about it the next day, who said he'd thought there was something between Dave and I for a long time. We started marriage counseling, but I told him I couldn't stop seeing Dave until I figured out what I wanted to do.
Since then, I've been going out with Dave about once a week. He is the nicest, kindest, sweetest person I've ever met, and makes me feel so good about myself (I've always had low self-esteem). He is funny, and fun, and I really want to have a future with him. I love his family, and want to have a family with him. The problem is, I also still love Jake, but more in a friendly way, and I feel obligated to stay with him. He is not a bad person, and I did make a committment to him, so what should I do? Stay with him because I made that commitment, or leave and try to be happy with Dave? I guess I'm also worried that things with Dave won't work out, whereas Jake and I have been through so much in the last 5 1/2 years that I know things will work out, no matter what. I guess I'm afraid of the "unknowns" with Dave.
Does anyone have some advice? Has anyone else been in this situation? Thanks.

my husband is addressing his pot addiction, he's a great guy and my best friend. And yet that seems to be the extent of it. We've been in counseling and trying to get the old feeling back for 8 months now. when is it time to throw in the towel? when I decide to, i guess. He won't give up. And meanwhile, the "dave" in my life is ready to look elsewhere because why should he be alone? We all deserve happiness and I'm coming to believe that more every day. We are not on this planet to supply happiness to others. We are here to be the best people we can be, being kind, being empathetic. That doesn't mean we won't make mistakes--who doesn't? But if you're not true to yourself, then who are you really true with? I didn't let my emotions rule my life. I didn't run off with the other guy after a month. I've tried to make it work, i've thought about it, i've imagined life without either one of them..
My advice to you is to pursue what your heart tells you because if you wind up having kids with your husband it will be that much harder to follow your own path. I know this first-hand.
It may hurt him now, and yes you may lose your best friend. But that will be his choice if he totally walks out of your life. I don't want to lose my husband's friendship either, but i can't let that friendship, that comfort, that familiarity, enslave me inside a relationship and a life that doesn't fulfill me. I hope my rambling made a little sense...