Cheating on OM with H???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Cheating on OM with H???
7
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 5:05pm
Its the weirdest thing. I feel tremendous guilt showing any type of affection to my H. Its like I am cheating on my OM with my H!

I went to a concert with my H last night and my OM called at one point and when I told him who I was there with I wanted to die, I felt so guilty. Any of you feel this way??

It has gotten worse for me now that I have committed to ending the M and being with OM full time. Maybe that explains it. Its so strange!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 5:35pm
Cheating on MM w/ H by simply going out....no. But, when we have sex I can't get excited any longer. We have to use "help" for me to get there w/ him. Their styles are totally different, their "private" parts are totally different... H bores me to death, although he is better at oral. (I feel that it is because he knows me better due to having been married for so long.) I have to think of MM to simply "kinda" enjoy it. Not to be too graphic, but we have to end it doggie style so I don't have to look at my H in the face. And that is AWFUL to feel like that!

I'll just go bonkers when/if MM and I split. Which is usually a reality in the EMA world.

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 6:41pm
Yes, I felt that way when I was still with H (29 days until it's Final, but who's counting!?). But, I also didn't engage in the affair until I was sure that there was nothing H or I could do to make the marriage a happy one again. I was not willing to settle for merely content or without disharmony. I wanted HAPPY.

Anyway, it wasn't until I had come to that conclusion that I went to OM. While I was deciding what was best for the kids, I was still in the M and also with OM. And the time period after my feelings for OM started to grow was the worst. Absolutely awful. Each time with H really did feel like 'one night stands' that betrayed OM. Which is kinda silly, really, since OM lives with his g/f and I'm sure doesn't have the same problem with this sort of thing....he's much better at compartmentalizing all this.

But then again, if my marriage were more-or-less happy and my A had simply been about filling in the cracks in my sex life, then it probably wouldn't have bothered me. But it wasn't. I liked him looooooong before the A started. He is an opportunity I never would have forgiven myself for passing up.

HTH

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:39pm
"I'll just go bonkers when/if MM and I split."

That is the understatement of the day.

Welcome to my world. I hope it never happens to you.

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 11:06pm
H and I have been having "bedroom intimacy" problems forever (I think even before we had gotten married). Although I kind of tried working on the issues before I met OM (read books, did online courses, saw a therapist), now I feel like I don't want to work on it, which is probably slowly sabotaging the M. I told OM that I haven't done it with H for such a long time, and every now and then OM asks if we've done it (not sure why - out of curiosity? jealousy? wary of not wanting to be in H's shoes?)

I do want to give my M a shot, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out on its own and I've done all I could, like many of the other posts have said about their Ms and divorces. But I do get that feeling like I'm cheating on OM with H which just makes me want to say "no" to H even more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:25am
Oh my goodness i have always felt ever since MM and i started seeing each other and having sex that when H and I do it i feel like i am cheating on MM. I know it sounds crazy but i do. I dont wont to be intimate with H and i try to make up all kinds of excuses to why i dont wont to have sex with H. I told MM i loved him and i made that promise and now i am scared that i have gotten way over my head with this EMA. Emotions are running high with MM and I and i am starting to feel like i just dont wont the M anymore and that i want to be with MM. I love MM with all of my heart but MM has alot of issues, let's just say MM has turned to something really dangerous for him b/c he is trying to fill that void he has b/c he is so unhappy with his W. He rather spend all of his time with his friends then go home and hear her put him down and tell him he is no good. He tells me he is secure but i honestly see a man who is very insecure with himself. She has him at his lowest point and now he relies on his "habit". I do love MM but this habit he has got is not something i approve of by any means, but i knew this when i got with MM so i cant just start speaking my mind about it and let him know it does bother me now. I got way off of topic here, anyways, i also feel like when i have sex with H that i am cheating on MM and i think if MM knew we were sleeping together than he would probably be hurt. He never ask me questions about my marriage or even about the H or sex with the H. I guess it's something he doesnt feel comfortable talking about and i respect it. Well thanks for letting me vent. i am so glad i found this board and i hope yall are all having a good day!
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anonymous user
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 7:49am
Jen

that is the way I am too. Although I don't really feel like I am cheating on MM with H when we have sex, I also imagine it's him while H is doing oral(H is better at this too). I have certain panties I don't wear with H or toys I only use with MM... it's like those are ours and not H's! When I feel blue like my EMA might be on the rocks I tend to cry a little when having sex with H.... it just feels like I am with the wrong person!

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 10:03am
DD,

Are we married to the same man and having an EMA with the same MM? lol

jen