Checking in (aka titchy)

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Checking in (aka titchy)
3
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 6:56pm
Hey guys, not been on here for a while but still read and it's great to see some familiar faces still around..and some new ones, great support network you have going on here. Well titchy got a new phone, H wanted to look which meant I had to delete all web history etc then I forgot my password!! Hence the new name and lack of posts.

Hope you're all doing good. Update from me...surprised (and a little ashamed to say) the A is still going on, not that far off two years. We've had more ups and downs this year but lately seem to be on an even keel, I grew some balls and decided not to stand for his BS anymore. The last ending I pretty much said fine, I'm going LC (work colleague) for him to tell me how much he misses me and can't not have me in his life. So all has been pretty good, yes I still obsess way to much but handle it better nowadays. We also no longer have those intense pouring out of feelings every now and then and I no longer go to his house. It just is was it is now and we enjoy spending time together.

I am expecting a rocky ride coming up. He has personal issues right now which I know all about and we have spent time talking them through but he is crawling into his shell. I've told him I care and will be there for him but he goes cold on me (although he did apologise for that which is a first). So I am trying to give him space to work through his issues now, so hard though...I miss the contact but that's just me being selfish :smileywink: This could be a big test for us though.

So that's where i'm at. How are you all?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 11:54pm
Titchy, I am glad your finding balance! I am well, I am finding me and feeling peace inside. For me, I feel like my A was just a detour from my real life and that the A moved me into the drivers seat. I no longer hide behind my mask to please others, I do the things I enjoy and have learned what I think and feel really matters. I am not mean and selfish, but I raise my points and then work through them with whomever is involved, H, boss, kids or friend. I gave so much of myself to others, that I lost myself. I am now taking the time to discover me.
(((Hugs Titchy)))
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 9:19am
I actually email with X-AP once or twice a month. We are friends, I care for him and he is a good person. I just walked into A situation that wasn't good for me, I wanted an escape a bigger escape then I ever realized and I found out an affair wasn't for me, plus it did nothing to fill the hole inside me infact it made it bigger. As I said, I am now gaining a sense of self and discovering me about me.

How long have I been out, hmmm? Since I never went NC and we never had a d-day, I don't have an exact date. But it has been (I think, give or take) about 2 years since my anxiety attacks that lead me to pull the plug on the A.

Did X-AP move onto another affair? I don't know and I really don't care. We email about life, kids, work and more, emotions and sex are off the table and it is great not to worry about what he might be thinking or how to keep the A going, honestly that was very tiring.

I did in a weak point, reach out and talk to someone. Boy, that was a mistake. He clung to my like ivy on a trellis and I constantly have to push him away. He still reaches out and tries to draw me in. Won't take NO for an answer. He is long distance and for that I am grateful. I just keep weeping him away. Actually though seeing the way he acts really helped me associate how crazy the whole affair thing is.
~Sunny~