Checking in...old timer here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Checking in...old timer here!
Wed, 08-14-2013 - 8:47pm


Hi all,

Well, I see that the board hasn't really recovered from the switch. It is such a shame, this place used to kick some serious butt! Sure kept me on an even keel, even when I was on the wily roller coaster.

I don't know if anyone left here remembers me, so a short recap: I left my H of 25 years for AP. I fell in love with AP out of the blue, and I just couldn't bring myself to continue an affair behind H's it was over.

I am happy (I think) to say that I am still with AP...we are coming up on six years now (!!).  If it wasn't for the fact that he's still married, we are just like any other commited couple out there. Sure, we (still) have ups and downs...but we get through it somehow.

Right now he is away visiting family, and I am really starting to miss him! He left Friday, and I have no idea when he's coming back. When he first left, he would either call or text every day. However, I haven't heard from him in two days and to be perfectly honest, I am pretty steamed about it. I guess I just want some opinions on something that happened, that I think has caused him to stay silent.

So, I went out for drinks last night with a girlfriend. I didn't go too crazy, but I did catch a pretty decent buzz :-) The thing is though, I SMOKED. I used to smoke when I first got together with AP, and I pretty much quit right away. I haven't smoked for six years, until now ...and I've actually had a couple here and there (which is stopping NOW). I live in a small town, where everybody knows everybody...and to nip any tattle taler's in the bud, I decided to let AP know that I had slipped, and that I was sorry. The reason I did this is because on a previous occasion, a particular bartender at our bar told AP that I had been drinking shooters one night with a friend, when he wasn't there. He was not happy to hear that, and to that I said...oh well, that is too bad! So, I thought it was a good idea to be honest about my smoking. I guess honesty is not always the best policy because I have not heard a peep out of him since the day before yesterday.

Was I wrong to be honest with him? Would anybody here have appreciated being told the truth? I thought it was pretty inconsequential..I mean, it's not like I went out and slept with someone! I dunno, I just find myself hurt. On top of beating myself up for being so weak in the first place and having these few cigarettes over the last month or two.

Anyhow, I guess this post was to say hi, and let any newbies know that long term A's can happen. They're not easy, but they CAN happen. The other reason was for some opinions on my honesty policy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Sat, 08-31-2013 - 9:35pm

Hey Benska, good to see you around!!!  I stop by once in a while but its hard to get logged in somedays so I just read and don't even bother trying but today it let me so thought i would say hello :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2013
Sat, 08-17-2013 - 7:46pm

Hey I remember you!  Honesty is the best policy but sometimes it doesn't mean you have to tell everything.  I wouldn't have said anything unless he said something, than act like it was no big deal and something that won't happen again.  Do you really think this is the reason why he hasn't contacted you?  If so that's a really stupid reason.  Did he respond back to you at all when you told him?  I really wish the boards were kicking again too.  I really need someone in the same situations as me to bring me back down to earth, I think we all do.  I noticed though that hardly any post get commented on and it's only a few of us who actually do. 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Thu, 08-15-2013 - 10:35am


I agree that honesty is the best policy.  Better to hear it from you than from someone else, no matter how bad.


Shadow Word generated at

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Thu, 08-15-2013 - 8:16am

PM-ed you Benska..