CL's, CL's...where art thou?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
CL's, CL's...where art thou?
8
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 12:43am

What in the H E double hockey sticks is going on around here? Where are the CL's...is there no one left to enforce board guidelines? Or have we been left to scrap it out through keystrokes?

I noted that it was an epic fail when they did the "big change", and honestly...things have most definitely NOT improved. Double, triple, quadruple posts (and more!) through no fault of the poster. I know, because it happened to me. I thought it WAS me, until I noticed that it has happened to several posts. 

 CLEAR BOARD GUIDELINES that are blatantly ignored...by some of the rudest, bitterest of women that I have ever had the displeasure "meeting" here.

So I will repost those guidelines- again. There will be two or three people who will ignore this (you know who you are, and we know who you are) but I say to hell with them...if they feel that they can say whatever they want, then I will bloody well say whatever I want. Minus the cruelty masked as advice, of course. You do know that you're bullies, right? YOU.ARE.BULLIES. 

Anyway, here are the guidelines (as posted by THIS site).

REMINDER: Before you post

WED, 07-31-2013 - 11:35AM

This board is a support community for members who are involved in an affair. This board is not a place to post opinions about infidelity or to pass judgment on those who are in affairs, nor is it designed for individuals whose spouse has been (or is) unfaithful to ask questions.  We intend for this board to be a forum for adults to safely share their experiences and get support. Any posts that violate these guidelines will be removed, and can result in immediate banning from the site. 

Before you postplease consider your situation and the following boards which may be more appropriate for you and your situation.

If you would like to debate the effects of infidelity, please visit All Sides of an Affair debate board.

If you are a betrayed spouse, please visit Betrayed Spouses Support.

If you are in the process of ending your affair, please visit Ending an Affair Support (EAS). 

If you have ended your affair, please visit After Your Affair Support (AAS).

Above all, please remember that this is a public forum and problematic posts should be reported to the Community Team for review and possible removal to avoid disrupting the board.

Please keep in mind that any messages posted to our message boards should abide by iVillage's Terms of Service and Rules of Play.

If you have any questions or concerns, please email relationshipscm@mail.ivillage.com.

Thank you for your cooperation and for your participation in our forums.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 2:37am

Hi Benska 

I think the only way now a days to report a post is to either:

1. Scroll down to bottom of bothersome post and click on 'option' and then click on 'flag as inappropriate', or

2. Go to the ivillage help Board http://www.ivillage.com/forums/ivillage-women/around-ivillage/ivillage-help/ivillage-help. If I have any problems, and it's usually a technical issue with the boards, I either start a thread with my issues, or if I'm particularly upset and frustrated, I've been asked to PM Cmerin with future vents...lol.  I now have her in my PM contacts. But for those who don't, I would just enter any one of the threads where you see that she (or another Moderate, if there is one these days) has posted in to that thread, enter her post as if you were to respond and click instead on the PM option (over on the left) and then explain the situation. 

I have a good suggestion...why don't 'you' apply here as CL.  This Board needs a CL badly, and I think you would do a good job :)

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for cmerin
Administrator
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 10:56am

Hi There!

I'm sorry you're unhappy with a few posters/responses on the board. We review posts on a regular basis and remove posts as deemed necessary. While you may not agree or appreciate an opposing opinion, this is a public forum and all are welcomed to post as long as they are following the guidelines.

If you'd like to contact me directly, I can be reached at relationshipscm@mail.ivillage.com.

Thank you,

Erin
Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator
iVillage.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 11:36am

Cmerin

The first rule posted  is not being followed and being abused by one poster all the time-[his board is a support community for members who are involved in an affair. This board is not a place to post opinions about infidelity or to pass judgment on those who are in affairs, nor is it designed for individuals whose spouse has been (or is) unfaithful to ask questions.  We intend for this board to be a forum for adults to safely share their experiences and get support. Any posts that violate these guidelines will be removed, and can result in immediate banning from the site.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 12:27pm

You are correct that there are not very many CL's left.  We do our best.  :)

I would use the link Erin gave you to contact her directly when you feel someone is being inappropriate, especially for the senstive subject of affairs.  

You can also remind posters that this is a support board, not a debate board.  Sometimes that helps.  

"We appreciate your participation and candor, but I must remind you that this is a support board and not a debate board.  We look forward to your honest, but yet supportive posts in the future."  And then copy that part of the TOS again.  

But only the CM's can actually take action.  

Hope that helps.  AAS used to be my home here, so I do "get it."  Kiss

Serenity CL making a marriage work

 

Serenity
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 2:54pm

I do agree there does get to be some bashing going on, on this board. When the guidelines say this is a place to support one another, does that imply help one another? If one persons idea of helping another is to attempt to dissade them from something they feel is not in their best interest, would that be considered an illegal post? Do all posts have to be along the lines of "you're doing a great job and keep up the good work"? Just wondering what people think.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 7:18pm

There is a high tollerance because this is a public board that anyone can post on and it is true that what one person thinks is bashing, another may think of as "tough love" and truly trying to help that person.  

I was on a board that had a gal that was pretty tough and firm with her opinions.  A group of us came to love her, but admittedly she got kicked off a few times and would come back with a new user name.  

Only a CM can really answer the question of where the line is.

But back to your post....no, it doesn't always mean that we condone what a poster is doing, it more of supporting that they are asking for help or are hurting, regardless of their part in it.  The trick is to say "hey, I love ya' chick, but to be honest I think you need to seriously consider ending this R" or what have you.  "If you want to stay in the R, I don't know what else I can offer you."

Hope that helps a little bit.  I am no expert on this and don't have any authority, just my experience.

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
Fri, 05-09-2014 - 2:11am

One of the issues is when a new poster comes to a board they are searching for something[help,support,a shoulder to cry on ect ect]and then the first few post they get are people attcking them ,or the poster just feels attcked that poster is gone and everybody loses.You don't have to agree,but it does come down to how you put it .There are other forums on the net that bash people who are even thinking of affairs,and don't even think of saying you had one,so if you want to disagree or have that srong a feeling plese go join one of them. I am new to this board,but I have been on different baords of all kinds for 8 years and ususlly when a poster gets so over the top like the one on here people just stop listening and that person is more of a joke.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Mon, 05-12-2014 - 9:31pm

khatru1 wrote:
<p>I do agree there does get to be some bashing going on, on this board. When the guidelines say this is a place to support one another, does that imply help one another? If one persons idea of helping another is to attempt to dissade them from something they feel is not in their best interest, would that be considered an illegal post? Do all posts have to be along the lines of "you're doing a great job and keep up the good work"? Just wondering what people think.</p>

If we are referring to Benska's original post no such "you're doing a great job and keep up the good work" advice was given by the 'genuine' posters of this board and it's clear to see those posters who aren't. From what I recall, all advice offered - by those who actually care for Benska - leaned toward 'divorce before commiting to the property'.

Benska we would love to see you as CL this board!