Coming full circle...
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| Mon, 12-29-2008 - 7:01pm |
This is my first post here, but I cannot tell you how glad I am to have found this community. I'm just so..confused.
My AP and I have a history. When my first marriage was crumbling, we were coworkers and wound up beginning an intense A that outlasted that marriage and produced my oldest son. Due to several misunderstandings and rather long distance ((we were both military. he still is as is my H)) we were off and on for a long time. I gave up waiting and settled for my current H. On H's first trip to Iraq, we both made mistakes and had intense A's with other people. We realized it was an awful mistake and worked hard on reconciling. Now my AP is back in my life. H is deployed again, as is AP. Chatting with AP began simply enough, about our son. But it's quickly developed into an intense emotional affair. AP doesn't want me to leave my H. I do love my H, and I won't seperate my children from their father in such a way. Even my son, as H is the only father he's ever known. But AP has requested that we set aside a weekend every year fo rus. Feign a conferance, or a trip to see a friend or something, and meet him instead. And for all the thousands of reasons I know I should say no, I can't bring myself to. I love my AP just as deeply as my H, and I can't imagine my life without either of them. But I'm concerned not only about my H should this come out, but my son. and why haven't I ever had the strength do deny AP?
Forgive my ramblings, but this is all just pent up inside me and I feel as if I may burst. I was able to condone an EA since we're so far away, and never see each other. There was no fear that I wouldn't be able to resist it becoming physical. But his idea...I wish I could dismiss it. But I can't. And I don't want to...
