Common Themes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Common Themes
13
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 9:30am
In reading many of the posts I have seen some common themes; he makes me feel alive and wanted; I can be the "real" me; the sex is amazing; we can never leave our families or spouses; we are best friends; we can be special but not first. I am just wondering, if these relationships became normal would the sex still be amazing, could you still be the "real" you or would you fall into a different role, more inside than outside. Does the very nature of these relationships make them special and not real world? Is this why we are so smitten? And if we do get what we want, is it really all that great after all or would it eventually become hum drum, ho-hum after awhile? Just some questions to ponder. Any thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 2:23pm
Rain,

Perfect. I love what you had to say and as usual, I'm looking forward to getting to the point you're already at. I particularly like this sentence: "I'm smitten by her because I've never pretended to be something else or even dialed back who I am, and she loves me completely." That truly fits IS and me also. I never thought anyone could know me as well as she does and still like me, let alone love me completely.

I think all R's can become ho-hum if the people involved let them. Let's face it, R's and M's are hard work. Two people are never exactly alike and have to deal with those differences. But if you have a truly strong bond and love each other deeply, you can overcome all of those things. I can't wait to spend every day with IS and show her how special she is each and every minute.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 2:45pm
Hi All,


I know that I might not be the best person to answer this since I just broke it off with MM, but I do know it would never change if we were to have had the chance at a life together. With him I was and have now learned to be the "real" me. The me that I hid through my whole marriage. Every aspect of our relationship opened me up to the person I truly am and if we were together, to me, it would never change, not our relationship, not anything. With him I truly found my other half, my missing puzzle piece. We spent a lot of "everyday" time together and to me it never felt like it was "routine" even though it was.

I'm sure in the distant future I will be with someone, but that person will never fill the place my MM had, and I will never feel the same love or emotions or feelings I gave to my MM. I now have to learn to live with the fact that my "missing puzzle piece" came to me at the wrong time. That is what saddens me the most, outside of the break-up itself.

MidnightBlue

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 3:18pm
I had to post on this thread...In my case I would like to think that we would do well together in a regular relationship if the opportunity presented itself. We have discussed the fact that we are good for each other, and its not all about sex, we do numerous every day things together, we talk, watch movies, and sometimes we just sleep.

On my side of this, the butterflies when dating my H were not there, I was 17 years old and now I see that I was too young to know what love really was. I now know because I have found it with my MM. I honestly think we would be strong enough to deal with the every day stresses such as car trouble, kids, even ex spouses.We have found a few things we do not agree on but have agreed to disagee on them. It would all depend on how much effort each of us would be willing to put into our R.

just my thoughts on this LOL

SB

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